Patience

Focus, Assess, Inward, and Live—How to Deal with Failures

/ chicoinematt

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Perhaps the most difficult phrase a person has to hear in life is: You need to wait. Whether you renewing your driver’s license and have to wait at the local DMV or waiting for a job interview or searching for your vocation in life, waiting can be tough. St. Paul wrote about the importance of patience. Perhaps his most famous, and arguably his most timeless passage, 1 Corinthians 13:4, the great evangelizer ever reminds us, “Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated” (emphasis mine).

Wait it Out

My natural tendency leans towards impatience. Busyness and speed dominate my daily life. Whether this issue began as a child, as I was diagnosed with ADHD or if my fast-paced work environment and reliance on technology is a factor may be debated. Regardless, at the end of the day, I am in charge of choosing to slow down, to pause, and to reflect on my crossroad events in my life. Certainly, today it seems is a turning point in my life.  Earlier this week, I learned about a fantastic job opportunity within my company that would be a perfect match for my skills. Excitedly, I discussed this chance with my manager. Needing permission from senior management to apply—as I am still only a few months in my current role, my manager informed me that I needed to wait for a year from when I was hired in my current role.

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Failure as a Learning Opportunity

Disappointed I took this time to focus my efforts into working diligently. Focus. This word permeated my thoughts today. According to the great Winston Churchill, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Oftentimes, courage is associated with quick thinking. However, sometimes the courageous thing to do involves waiting—patiently. That is what I did today. I paused and assessed my frustrating situation. “I am stuck in a position where I am not happy. It is not a good fit!” I initially told myself.

After inwardly reflecting I realized that waiting is not necessary a bad thing. The American author Joyce Meyer poignantly put it, “Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” Taking time to reflect on my apparent failings gave rise to a mantra that helped re-focus my attitude—F.A.I.L= Focus+ Assess + Inward=Live

keep calm live to fullest

Live life to the fullest. We are called to a joyful life. This does equal a life free from suffering—today certainly proved that with my disappointment about the job opportunity. Nevertheless, any cross, big or small, presents us all with an opportunity—to run from it or to embrace it. Today, I choose the latter! St. Therese of Lisieux encountered suffering most of her earthly life. The wisdom gained from accepting her crosses was profound. The French saint stated, “For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever.” Love is patient. God is love. Therefore, God is patient. May the Holy Spirit grant us the virtue of patience and ability to transform apparent failings into fruitful joys!

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3 Ways to Defeat Your Worst Enemy

/ chicoinematt / 2 Comments

Worst Enemy

American founder Benjamin Franklin declared, “I have met the enemy, and it is the eyes of other people.” While his contributions to the start of the United States is undeniable along with his numerous skills as the premiere “Renaissance man”, I disagree with this quote of his. Other people are not our true enemy. Instead, your worst enemy is much closer. Your ego, pride, is the opponent that has to be slay daily. Franklin’s quip relates to the evil of envy. However, envy is not the greatest of sins, that claim belongs to pride. According to St. John Vianney, “Envy, my children, follows pride; whoever is envious is proud.”

Pride vs. humble

The root of all evil originates from believing yourself to be greater than others and ultimately the Other (God). Whenever, I get envious of others’ success, the underlying issue is that I am too prideful. In the past, I have struggled with seeing my co-workers’ promotions especially when they have less experience. Envy clouds my judgment causing me to drive a wedge between myself and others. Jealousy only exists due to my ego. My worst enemy is myself. Your worst enemy is you! Over the course of my life, I have gained a few strategies to combat myself. We will discuss three of the most effective weapons to erode the ego!

Humiliation

Twentieth century French philosopher Simone Weil wrote, “The only way into truth is through one’s own annihilation; through dwelling a long time in a state of extreme and total humiliation.” My experiences as a parents testify to the veracity of his claim. Prior to becoming a dad, I believed any child acting up or acting out was “naughty”. In many cases, I judged the parents of “misbehaving” kids as “lazy” or “ill-informed”.

Becoming a parent certainly humbled me. Walking back from the communion line carrying a screaming toddler shot down my ego. Whispering to tell my daughter, “You cannot call your brother a butthole! That is not expected.” while entering their SCHOOL is not a better alternative. My wife and I laughed at the “Children are like Drunk People” Memes—until we realized nearly all the memes described our kids!

C.S. Lewis declared, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” Parenthood necessary entails humility because you are forced to think of your children. Born they are helpless. Babies, toddlers, kids, and teens take time. Time away from being focused on yourself. If you think about yourself too much don’t worry—kids are quick to remind that they need help. Nothing kills the ego like having to put others’ needs above your own!

Take Perspective

Perspective taking

Along with being humble, another good thing to focus on to defeat pride is taking proper perspective. American businessman and author Al Neuharth plainly declared, “The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective. My wife and I recently purchased Superflex … a Superhero Social Thinking Curriculum to help manage our older children’s reactions to problems. Earlier this week we watched the first episode on YouTube.

Although geared for younger audiences, shifting perspective does not have a specific age range. Everyone can learn to be less rigid in thinking, myself especially! Oftentimes, I make mountains out situations in reality are much smaller in scope. Taking time at the beginning or end of the day to reflect on whether your reaction matched the size of the problem will help keep your ego in check!

Be Patient—Ask for Patience!

Patience is a strong weapon to have in your utility belt in the battle against the self. Matthew Kelly stated in his book Rediscovering Catholicism, “Our lives change when our habits change.” Change sucks! Transforming bad habits into good takes time and is painful. It is easy to get defeated. I personally struggle with anger, impatience, and pride. I get impatient that I do not possess the gift of patience always!

Waiting for Patience

St. Augustine declared, “Patience is the companion of wisdom.” Wisdom takes times—years and years! It is not an instant process. The paradox regarding patience is we cannot wait to acquire that virtue. Patience cannot be earned on your own merit. It must be asked. Ask daily. Ask hourly if necessary.Robert P. Reed wrote in Renewed: Ten Ways to Rediscover the Saints, Embrace Your Gifts, And Revive Your Catholic Faith, “The Holy Spirit is the origin of all the gifts, talents, and abilities we need to be of service to others” (p.11).

St. Teresa of Avila best describes the power of waiting, “Patience obtains all things!” Over the years, I am slowly realizing the truth to her statement. Through patience I have learned to whittle down my rough edges of the ego—smoothing out my rash outbursts and judgment. I am still far from rounded out as a person, but I am aiming to improve daily.

Pride is the root of all other evils. Selfishness must be combated on a daily basis in order to live a peacefully, joyfully, and authentically. Asking for the virtues of humility and patience together with perspective taking daily will allow you to defeat your worst enemy—yourself!

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices

Related Links

2 Effective Weapons to Defeat the Sin of Pride

3 Thoughts about the Prayer of St. Teresa of Avila

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How Catholics are like Fishhooks!

/ chicoinematt

fish hook

According to the 20th century Scottish novelist John Buchan, The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.” During this first week of Easter I ponder the hope, Jesus infused into the Apostles upon his return. After the apparent defeat on Good Friday, his followers returned to their “day jobs” as fishermen (cf John 21:3). That day began without much hope— they caught nothing after several hours! Appearing at the Sea of Tiberius, Jesus, not yet recognized by the disciples, gave the following advice, “Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something” (John 21:6). This resulted in the fulfillment of their hope— an overabundance of fish!

Hope in the Hauling

Jesus begin his ministry in Matthew 4:19 with a similar promise of hope— “Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Originally, piscators by trade, Christ transforms the Apostles work from a mere day job to a new way of life! After his Resurrection, the first command Jesus gave to the Apostles occurred in Matthew 28:19.  Jesus commanded, “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Thus, God makes it clear that EVERYONE is called to hear the good news of his Resurrection! I know this may sound cliché, but the example of Peter, James, and John being called by Jesus to become fishers of men is an extremely appropriate and ever applicable way to speak of how we should spread the faith!

While not an expert in fishing, I have a couple family members who fish for a living. A few years ago, my family and I went fishing with my father-in-law. While a lot of things are necessary for fishing, I will highlight only two things that directly apply to evangelization— patience and fishhooks.

Wait for the Big Haul

Patience in Fishing

First, patience is essential to fishing especially when we went because it took over thirty minutes before we caught anything. The same is true for spreading our faith. We must wait and lead others to Christ on God’s time. God is not giving commission-based raises on how many converts we pull in, rather I image God wants us to patiently wait for the right people to be placed in our life that need our help or hooking to lead them to the Catholic Church.

Along with the virtue of patience, fishermen require a fishhook. Without that barbed instrument on the end of the line it would be nearly impossible to hook and capture a fish. Likewise, I tend to see Jesus’ command to be fishers of men (see Matthew 4:19) in a more nuanced way, namely, that we should be the hook that captures people and keeps them on God’s line.

Imagine the greatest evangelists in the history of the Catholic Church: St. Paul, St. Augustine, St. Francis of Assisi. What did they all have in common? They all suffered from a “barbed past”. Paul murdered Christians. Augustine suffered from sex addiction. Francis came from a miserable family. A fishhook is designed to be sharp and curved at the end to hook a fish’s gums. Similarly, God uses saints with a “barbed” past help Him reel in new people into the Catholic Church.

Catch Everyone!

My challenge to you, my readers, is this: if you sense that God has placed certain people in your life to evangelize to please do not be afraid to do so. The best witness to evangelize our faith is to hear from people that have suffered yet maintained a steadfast faith in God. Do not shy away from a “barbed” or hurtful past. Open yourself up to share your faith story. I truly feel God is calling me to work in a secular workplace to shine forth his truth. As a matter of fact, I had a couple co-workers interested in my faith! I feel called by God to be his “fishhook”.  Fishing requires patience. Sometimes our target will slip away because we act too rashly. We must allow God to do most of the reeling in. Christians are merely His evangelical instrument. God is  the Divine fisherman!

Jesus calls the fishermen

 

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3 Tips to Fend Off the Winter Woes

/ chicoinematt

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Arctic winds blasted much of the Midwest last week. I saw an article that mentioned many cities faced temperatures lower than even Antarctica this time of year–yes you heard me right Antarctica! Along with the frigid weather, having a newborn in the household limits the amount of places we are able to travel. Cabin fever set in.

Cramped quarters, cold temps, and little to no change in daily routine make the perfect recipe for depression to set in. Every year the months of January, February, and March present this challenge. Sadly, I always seem to be surprised when the winter woes arrive. I yearn for warmer days and hope on the horizon. Below are three simple tips to help you fend off the winter woes.

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1. Nothing Lasts Forever: it is important to recognize that all things in life–good or bad– are temporary. If this winter appears extra long it is helpful to remind yourself that winter will NOT last forever.

2. Reflection: The average American is flooded with technology on a regular basis. It is rare for me to see a person without a smart phone or iPad in tote. Heck, I am actually writing this post on my own iPhone! The constant stream of screens and technology provide only increases during the winter when going outside to enjoy is not feasible.

A habit that I have re-started this winter is to make time for silent reflection. Cardinal Sarah wrote in The Power of Silence,

Without silence, God disappears in the noise. And this noise becomes all the more obsessive because God is absent. Unless the world rediscovers silence, it is lost. The earth then rushes into nothingness” (80).

Reading the Scriptures for a few minutes to begin the day greatly helped shift my mind off the dreariness of the cold toward the hope found in Christ. Silent prayer need not take up half of your day, but perhaps simply start with only five minutes of silent reflection.

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3. Exercise Your Muscles (and Patience): Along with taking perspective that winter will not last forever and taking a small amount of time for prayer, exercise is another key strategy to fight off depression in during the cold and dark months of the year. If your 2019 resolution was to get healthier, today is no better time to remind yourself of that goal! The great American founder and third president of the United States Thomas Jefferson spoke of exercise in this way, “Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far.”  If the cold keep you from walking outside, think of ways you could walk around your home or apartment. Create a circuit between the rooms of your living space. Perhaps, travel to the grocery store and walk up and down the aisles–even the aisles of items not on your list.

In addition to winter being a time to remind yourself to exercise physically, it is equally important to strengthen yourself spiritually. Use the ‘annoyances’ of the season as chances to grow in patience. Allow yourself to pray for patience when bad driving pervades the streets or when your children drive you crazy because of being cramped up indoors. According to the Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy, “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.” Ask for the gift of patience from the Holy Spirit. See how the winter doldrums might be transformed into something beautiful!

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Season of Expectancy

/ chicoinematt

Christmastime always holds a special place in my life. As a life-long Catholic, I grew up with the understanding that the celebration of Christ’s birth does not end on December 25th, instead it is actually the beginning of a twelve daylong celebration that goes until the Feast of the Epiphany, the arrival of the Wise men. Over the course of the past week, I noticed a ton of memes, gifs, and posts from my fellow Catholic friends about keeping up Christmas decorations and not tearing them down immediately the day after. I am guilty of that liturgical bravado as well!

This year the season of celebrating Christ’s birth contains extra expectation as my wife and I are waiting for the arrival of the birth of our fourth child! 

Being both uber-planners and type-A personalities we have actually been prepped for our daughter’s big arrival for months. To be honest, I really have been ready for another baby to hold, cuddle, and love since our miscarriage last December 2017.

The beginning of this pregnancy started off rocky and scary. Frequent OBYGN appointments, progesterone shots, and nightly petitioning to our Lord through the Blessed Virgin Mary and saints Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Siena, and Gerard became daily routines over the course of the past 9 months. I came across this quote from Indian filmmaker and director Anurag Prakash Ray that applies directly to my attitude about waiting hold my daughter. He wrote, “True love is worth waiting for even if it takes a lifetime. Then in return, a lifetime of love will be waiting for you.” Waiting for our rainbow baby truly does feel like it has been a lifetime—I am certain in the case of my wife she may feel like it has been several lifetimes! 

If a person has a negative mindset, waiting, and especially waiting for something with much anticipation, is quite painful and burdensome. However, shifting the focus away from negativity and instead towards hope, that burden of being agog will be bearable. Saint John Paul the Great lived a long life filled with suffering and waiting. Whenever I get anxious I look to him for advice. The great Polish pope declared, “From Mary we learn to surrender to God’s Will in all things. From Mary we learn to trust even when all hope seems gone. From Mary we learn to love Christ her Son and the Son of God!”

Throughout this season of expectation(s) be sure to always petition the Lord for help. This may be directly or through the effective intercessory power of the Blessed Virgin Mary and the saints in Heaven. I welcome any and all prayers for the safe delivery of my daughter whenever she decides to arrive! 


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Proofs Against the Ways of the World

/ chicoinematt

According to St. Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:10, “Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”  The Apostle to the Gentile guarantees that the standards of what the world considers successful will conflict with the path of Christ.

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Laughter and ridicule occurred on Good Friday after the Death of Jesus Christ. If the tale stopped there, then everything Paul preached and the saints throughout Christian history would be in vain—a sad farce. Dreariness and hopelessness would dominate without the victory of the Resurrection!

I encountered a foreshadowing of that pessimistic and dismal way of living earlier this week. Continual confusion, and daily, sometimes hourly, changes, along with negative remarks from co-workers throughout the week barraged me. In my weakness, I only saw the limited perspective of suffering. Willing myself to be more positive did not alleviate the negativity surrounding me.

A lot of the time people use sarcasm as a method to make light of a stressful situation. By the amount of usage of sarcasm and crass jokes at work it gives off the perception that everything is stressful. Do not get me wrong there are appropriate times to make a sarcastic comment, but I am of the belief those should be used sparingly.

Irish poet and playwright Oscar Wilde once declared, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” Now whether he intended to have the last part of the quote to be taken is a question for another day, but all things in excess lead to bad ends.

 

red herring

 

The World is Imperfect

Why exactly am I talking about workplace doldrums and complaints? How does this tie back into what the Gospel message preached by St. Paul? While I am an avid ichthyologist aficionado this actually is not a red herring [as much as I love talking about this mythical creature!], in all seriousness, as a Christian, I am called to exist in the world without succumbing to the temptations and powers of the world. The evidence put forth by my co-workers shows proof of a fallen and imperfect stated of humanity. Certainly true, as Christ, Paul and the rest of the saints would agree with this point. Where the truth of Good News diverges from the Gospel of the World is that hope is possible. Compelling as the world’s claim that reality is ultimately hopeless is I put forth two specific proofs against this evidence of the world.

 

a perfect imperfect marriage

 

Sacrament of Marriage

The definition of the word sacrament is a visible sign of the invisible grace of God. Regarding the sacred bond between man and woman in the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, the love of God becomes visibly present in the exchange of sacrifices between the spouses. Yesterday, my wife called me before work and provided me encouragement. Her encouragement sustained me throughout the day. My wife declared, “I just wanted to thank you for the sacrifices that you make to provide for our family!”

In a tangible way, the grace of God entered into my day through the person of my spouse. We have been through ups and downs over the course of our 8 years of marriage. Without the sacramental graces provided by the Most Holy Trinity we would struggle mightily.

Sacramental marriages point to the Cross of Jesus Christ because each day God calls husbands and wives “die” to their selfish tendencies and put love for the other spouse first. In stark contrast, secular “marriages” lack this unifying bond of God’s grace.  Too often, people focus on the individual instead of the unity of the family.

In addition to my own marriage, my parent’s sacramental marriage demonstrates even further proof that love prevails against the world’s claim of individualism. Divorce pervades the 21st century. Giving up when times get tough is an easy out. My parent’s lifelong commitment proves the importance of sacrificial love.

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Tame Your Tongue, Tame Your Temper

Silence speaks louder than words. I never truly understand the power of Jesus refraining from answering Pontius Pilate’s questions in John 19 until I had children. When we are young talk is attractive. We all desire to be heard. Kids, especially those with ADHD such as my son [and myself—yes I still consider myself a kid at heartJ] have a particularly difficult time remaining silent. What is even tougher than remaining silence with wanting to share exciting news is being taciturn during stressful situations. According to Boston college philosophy professor Peter Kreeft, “God is the tongue-tamer. You can’t do it without him. But he won’t do it without you” (Your Questions God’s Answers 39).

Anger leads to impatience. Impatience lead to unrest. And unrest leads to sins of the tongue—rude vocal outbursts in reactions to trying situations. This week I made a conscious effort to pause before anytime where my natural inclination would tend toward anger. In the pause, I prayed for the grace to remain silence. Although I am a lifelong Catholic and possess a “Masters” degree in theology [I mean really can one truly be a master of anything?!  J], I am still a bit surprised at the ability to withhold negativity from leaving my mouth.

 

patience

 

The way of the world tries to persuade you to run when the going gets tough. Increased divorce rates only show that people fail to see marriage as a lifelong friendship and gift for growing in holiness. Quick reactions whether it be in real life or social media are the norm for the 21st century man. Short term solutions or fleeing when times get tough certainly appear enticing. My experience and the witness of my parent’s marriage and wisdom of the Catholic Church proves otherwise.

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Unexpected Joy in Expected Suffering

/ chicoinematt

“Is your happiness contingent on whether the cat peed on the carpet or not?” This question was posed to myself, other catechists, and parents by our parish’s Director of Faith Formation. She was referring to events that frustrate us on a daily basis where we may question the purpose of these interruptions in our daily life. Her unique query provoked some thoughts about my recent attitudes towards situations that appear to evade my control. Over the past week and a half, my two-year struggled with allegories, constipation, and changes with his schedule. As both a toddler and someone diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, my son certainly hated these disruptions. Consequently, these sufferings spilled over into our family life. Chucking of food items and toys ensued when he did not get his way or when my son could not fully communicated his needs.

For a control freak, such as myself, toddler temper explosions wreak havoc on my patience levels. Is my happiness dependent on whether everything is in my control? Would I be truly happier if my toddler followed my commands robotically to the “t” and never had meltdowns?  This question about the source of my joy and happiness continued to sow its roots into my heart, mind, and soul.

The work week began with the traditional Monday agitations: technology issues, annoyed customers, and confusion. To add to these annoyances, I woke up with an intense headache that lingered throughout the day. What is more, my personal goal of finishing the month with an impeccable quality score hit a potential hurdle when I failed at a complex call. Hopefully, the quality monitoring team does not review that call! Despite these expected sufferings, an unexpected joy [and peace] existed within my being. My natural inclination to messing up on a call or the craziness of home life would be to develop an anxiety and anger at things outside of my control.

Something provoked me to change my attitude from focusing on the suffering to looking at the opportunity for joy to be found in the suffering. More accurately, Someone provoke me to look deeper beyond my suffering and see the purpose of pain. St. Madeline Sophie Barat declared, “As iron is fashioned by fire and on the anvil, so in the fire of suffering and under the weight of trials, our souls receive that form which our Lord desires them to have.” God cannot get more real, as He is the fullness of all reality, but through the trials of our life we can enter into a deeper relationship with Him. The grace of unexpected joy in my expected suffering cannot originate from my own willpower—it is a free gift granted by the Holy Spirit.

I desire to impact the knowledge of peace and joy to my children. Among caring for their primary physical needs, I am charged with passing on the Truth, Goodness, and Beauty, safeguarded in the Catholic Church to them. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 2223,

Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the “material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones.”31 Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:

He who loves his son will not spare the rod. . . . He who disciplines his son will profit by him.32

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.33

What struck me most telling about this passage from the catechism is that the home is likened to an apprenticeship. My children will learn how to love others and God from my interactions with them. While home life seems like corralling a bunch of elephants, lemurs, birds, cheetahs or bears depending upon my children’s mood, I am able to control my emotional state. This morning I failed by provoking my kids to anger unnecessarily—my own pride failed to humbly step away from the situation and to listen to their pleas for help.

Actively picking up our crosses daily will not be easy, Jesus never guaranteed this, however freely choosing to embrace suffering instead of fleeing from it will provide an immeasurably and unexpected joy. Still impressed with the candor and articulate manner of phrasing, I am going to conclude with the Catechism of the Catholic Church’s list key items for embracing freedom [and as a result joy too!]. “The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery – the preconditions of all true freedom” (CCC 2223).

Is the lack of suffering the driving force of our happiness and joy? Do we only love life when things go our way all the time?  If you let the Holy Spirit into your life, be prepared to experience an unexpected joy in expected suffering!

Thank you for sharing!