By: Madeleine Karako
For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of being a mother. When we got pregnant on the honeymoon, I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Then we lost our first child to miscarriage after being married for 2 months. My husband was in a different state for Officer Training School in the Air Force, so I didn’t see him until a month after we lost our child. I went through it without him, which made the experience all the more painful. Even in those darkest moments, God was taking care of me. I couldn’t see it then, but looking back now I see all the little miracles He gave me.
- My mom (who lived in a different state) showed up for a visit the day before I started miscarrying, so I had her with me through it all.
- My dear friend, Lizzy, showed up at the hospital when I had to have an emergency D&C because I was hemorrhaging. She held my mom’s hand and prayed a rosary with her while I was in surgery.
- My Dad cancelled an important business trip to come and be with my mom and I during that first week after our loss.
Those are the big ones. There were many more little miracles, but I couldn’t see any of them at the time. I cried most days and felt like my heart was being ripped apart. The whole thing felt so backwards, so cruel. Going through labor, feeling all that pain, enduring emergency surgery; those were the “easy” parts. Going home without a baby, feeling the emptiness in my heart, doubting God’s love; those were the hard parts.
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