Month: December 2017

Absolute Zero: How I Experienced the Frostiness of Truth this Winter Week

/ chicoinematt

It seemed like I was living in the Arctic Circle this past week. Chilling winds, snow, and ice permeated my city. I despise the cold. I mean really despise it. Perhaps it is because of the constant whipping icy winds that hit my face as I walk to work from the parking lot. Or maybe it is because my wife and I are limited in the options for taking the children during the week. Regardless, I despise the cold!

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Meteorologists forecast a -40 wind chill factor in our region. This news may halt our family’s Christmas travel plans. I am worried about the state of our water pipes, I do not want to come home from traveling to find busted pipes due to the insane cold. Winter seems hopeless at times. Yet, somehow amid this apparent gloom the Holy Spirit always finds a way to show me hope in on the horizon. Suddenly, I found myself singing [in my mind] the lyrics to the Christmas Hymn In the Bleak Midwinter. Here are the lyrics for those that wish to sing along with me too:

In the bleak mid-winter 
Frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, 
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, 
  Snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter
  Long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him 
Nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away
When He comes to reign:
In the bleak mid-winter 
  A stable-place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty, 
  Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim 
Worship night and day,
A breastful of milk 
And a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, whom angels 
  Fall down before,
The ox and ass and camel 
  Which adore.

Angels and archangels 
May have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim 
Thronged the air,
But only His mother1
 In her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the Beloved 
  With a kiss.

What can I give Him, 
Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd
I would bring a lamb,
If I were a wise man
  I would do my part,
Yet what I can I give Him, 
  Give my heart.

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Upon listening to these words, I am provided hope. Honestly, I need hope. Absolute zero scientifically occurs at −273.15° Celsius. This week certainly felt like absolute zero both in temperature and my temperament. I recently took up a new position at work and I am struggle with change. Negative, cold thoughts permeated my mind. Things at home have not necessarily gone better.

I received St. Josemaria Escriva’s spiritual work The Way as a generous lagniappe from an anonymous person from my local church. The Spanish priest seems to have written specifically to me. Josemaria frankly told me, “Don’t be so touchy. The least thing offends you. People have to weigh their words to talk to you even about the most trivial matter. Don’t feel hurt if I tell you that you are…unbearable. Unless you change, you’ll never be of any use” (The Way, 43).

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If I heard these words without knowing that a canonized saint penned them, I would be disheartened and probably swiftly move onto the next pages of The Way. Instead, Josemaria’s quote stuck with me [similiar to how a child’s–or even a daring adult– tongue sticks to a frozen flagpole. That is the truth about truth, it remains with you. Like a seed planted, the Spanish priest’s words germinated in my soul this week.

My hope continued to grow after I performed a sacrificial deed for my spouse. My wife mentioned she wanted to take the children out to a local gymnastics facility to relieve their cabin fever. Driving her SUV to run errands, I noticed her air pressure was low on the back driver’s tire. I struggled about whether I wanted to fill up the tire during my shopping run or wait until the temperature rose above zero. I felt a strong debate occur in my mind about the pros and cons. Most of it went back to me being not wanting to endure the sub-zero temperature. Finally, I just admitted that my wife’s day would go better if she did not have to worry about filling up a tire–especially if it deflated more over night! This simple act helped me grow in holiness this winter week.

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Interestingly, certain lifeforms actually flourish in frigid climates. The moss Calliergon giganteum actually has the ability to grow in a frozen aquatic habitat–living in the bottom of cold tundra lakes. Wintertime is often viewed as a hindrance to growth, to the vivacity of life. Decreased sunshine and inability to go outside sometimes contributes to seasonal depression. Hopelessness dominated a lot of my December, however, the hope planted by the Holy Spirit through Josemaria’s wisdom and grown through my good deed for my wife helped overcome the despair I felt. Winter may not be good for the human body– at least my body– but oddly enough, maybe my frosty experience with truth was exactly what the Divine Physician prescribed for my soul.

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Thank you for sharing!

Reality is Undefeated!

/ chicoinematt

Perfection is rare especially in professional football. Throughout the history of the National Football League only 4 teams [the 1934 Chicago Bears, the 1942 Chicago Bears, the 1972 Miami Dolphins, and the 2007 New England Patriots] lasted an entire single regular season with an unblemished mark. Competition is tough. Teams and companies rarely leave unscathed over the course of time. The same is true for individuals. Life will definitely throw you curve balls—many of which hit us!

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I struggle with constantly striving for perfection. Largely, this is due to my obsessive compulsion towards having order. However, the more I strive for control and order the less I possess it! My idea of perfection is imperfect. True perfection, perfect humanity involves seeking out love, truth, and beauty with sincerity of heart.

When I seek a perspective beyond myself , I have learned that authentic personal growth occurs. Over time I have realized that only the truth, taught by Jesus Christ and safeguarded by the Catholic Church has stood the eroding power of time. In other words, truth—that which is real and reality itself will always find a way to win, a way to persevere. Reality is undefeated.

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Venerable Fulton Sheen sums it up best, “Truth does not change; it is only forgotten from one generation to the next. The truth is the truth even if no one believes it, and a lie is a lie even if everyone believes it.” Truthfully, I was going to end this post with the words of the American bishop. I have been struggling with the sin of sloth lately and I am trying to stave off despair due my wife and I’s recent miscarriage of our unborn child. The Holy Spirit inspires in mysterious ways. Tonight, I sensed the movement of God in perhaps the most surreal way–connecting the dots to my family’s story.

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I received a text message at 11:40 a.m. from the funeral home director that he wanted me to call him back about setting up a team for the funeral service. Being in training for my new job, I did not read this message in full until later in the evening. Upon arriving home, I cooked supper for my kids, gave them baths, and my wife and I put them to bed. It was not until almost 9 p.m. that my wife and I were able to eat dinner ourselves. We lounged on the couch watching sitcoms on Hulu. As I said before, I struggled with laziness and tonight was no different. I did not really feel like, nor even wanted to, finishing this post.

Suddenly, my wife told me something that connected the dots. “You know honey, St. Lucia’s feast day is today! I do not think it is a coincidence.” It took me a couple seconds to figure out what she meant. I checked my text message sent earlier today from the funeral director. He stated, “We received word from the hospital, Lucia is no in our care. Please call me back about setting up a time for the service.” Me of little faith.  Reality is undefeated. Truth always triumphs. Circumstantial things only appear like coincidences. It is over the course of time that apparent serendipitous events are revealed as part of a larger Divine plan.

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We named our unborn child, we believed in our hearts to be a girl, Lucia Faustina. December 13th–the same day we got confirmation that the remains of our child is safe with the Catholic funeral home–is the feast day of St. Lucia. Reality is undefeated. I cannot explain this happenstance except through the eyes of faith. God provided some consolation to my disparaging soul today. Will I be healed by the end of the week? Certainly not. I am further convinced that God has a great plan for both my wife and I and that we should not despair– instead we need to cling to hope now more than ever! Reality is undefeated. Truth always triumphs–it is not always easy and suffering is guaranteed. I will conclude with the words of Jesus in Matthew 16:24-25: “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,* take up his cross, and follow me.25r For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Amen.

Thank you for sharing!

How I Set the Re-set Button on My Anger Today

/ chicoinematt

Saint Alphonsus Liguori wrote, “When we have to reply to anyone who has insulted us, we should be careful to do it always with meekness. A soft answer extinguishes the fire of wrath. If we feel ourselves angry, it is better for us to be silent, because we should speak amiss; when we become tranquil, we shall see that all our words were culpable.” 

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How do you react when you experience injustice? Do you quickly respond with fury? Do you wait to reflect on the situation? I experienced a frustrating and unjust situation at work where I actually was able to diffuse the anger in my soul. Sometimes, I wish I a re-set button existed for me to push to begin my day again! Well, I experienced a sort of spiritual re-setting midway through today. How did I accomplish such a feat? Actually, it was fairly simple–yet difficult– I asked for help through prayer.

After I experienced the work situation that embarrassed me I used our scheduled lunch break to pause. I texted a close friend of mine an urgent, yet simple plea, “Please pray for me! I am feeling like I am going to lash out in anger to a co-worker.” Recognizing my problem of anger is the first step towards the cure. The next step is asking for help. Surprisingly, my anger dissipated fairly quickly. I listened to the wisdom of the Church as taught by St. James [and St. Alphonsus Liguori above!]. Chapter three of  the epistle of James warns against the dangers of the tongue. The letter compares man’s tongue to a fire–gossip and angry words can spread like a wildfire.

I am grateful for the gift of patience and self-control granted to me by the Holy Spirit today. I hope that I may continue to improve on limiting my anger flare-ups on my pilgrim journey towards holiness. I pray today for anyone specifically suffering from the sin of anger and wrath–know that I am with you [in prayer] in your journey to be a better version of yourself as well! God blesses us with a new day–and a new chance– to hit the re-set button.

keep calm and have patience

 

Thank you for sharing!

Preoccupations

/ chicoinematt

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I finished my lunch that consisted of 3 day old pepperoni pizza and a crisp red apple. Having already read several pages of my book and wanting to preserve data on my phone my eyes started to wonder. Peering from left to right the panoramic view of the partially-filled lunchroom involved fellow company employees staring at their iPhones. My eyes suddenly shifted to the half-eaten fruit in my hand. “Apples are interesting,” I told myself. I went on to reflect on the amazing fact that apples exist and the differences on the crispness and sweetness each variety contains.

G.K. Chesterton once stated, “One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak.” This quote did not make sense to me until recently. Not until despair entered into my life again. See when I am succeeding [at least according to worldly standards] I do not stop to “smell the roses”—or to look at the wonder of the world. Rather, I am on to the next project, the next goal, the next challenge to overcome!

When I go through long periods of consolation I tend to take the blessing in my life for granted. Only through the school of suffering do I learn to focus my worldly preoccupations on God. Suffering does not discriminate. It does not recognize differences in age, race, financial background, or religious belief. Recently, my wife and I suffered another miscarriage. I struggle with reason for why God allows these horrific events to continue to hound us.

Both my wife and I went to the sacrament of Confession to help us heal from our doubting in God’s Providence. Did this completely eradicate my feelings of desolation? No, however, through recognizing suffering as a learning opportunity and trusting in God’s ultimate providence helps me start the healing process—albeit may be a long path for us.

I notice the greatness of God in the moments of suffering. Oftentimes during my mountain climb toward success I succumb to pride and lose sight of my reliance of Him. Because God is love, he allows things to happen to me. Saint John Paul II summed it up best, “Freedom exists for the sake of love.” This will be a constant struggle for me as I deal with the aftermath of our miscarriage. While I may not always feel the embrace of God’s consolation, I have learned from my past suffering that I will always be able to trust in His total Providence!

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Thank you for sharing!