Finding Faith and Strength in God: Battling Anxiety, Depression and Self-Doubt

You might think I have my life together due to the prolific amount of humorous and inspirational content I post here on IG and this website.

That’s one of the side-effects of social media. It causes people to think the creators of their favorite accounts somehow discovered the secret to dealing with life’s curveballs (and sinkers, fastballs, and knuckleballs) thrown our way.

But I have struggled and continue to this day to deal with anxiety and depression.

Some months it is on a daily basis.

This has been a rough week for me.

It’s been stressful at my retail job (thankfully, there’s relief on the horizon with less hours next month), it’s a busy time with parenting four children and juggling all the responsibilities that goes with it, and I’m struggling with imposter syndrome when it comes to my writing.

Anxiety disorder is something I’ve found I have to slay and tackle daily.

There is no permanent remedy save for total and complete abandonment to God’s Providence.

Daily prayer is a must in the battle against angst. 🙏

But it must be a conscious focus each and every single day.

These shields help my battle too:

  • Counseling
  • Music
  • Anxiety medicine
  • Humor (The Office has helped me an incalculacable amount of days)
  • Blessed Virgin Mary and the saints to help me find peace of mind and discover the joy of the Gospel

If I ever got a tattoo it would be the Teresa of Avila prayer. Daily I ask for her intercession, and I etch God’s promises on my heart every time I recite this prayer.

Let nothing disturb you.

Let nothing frighten you.

All things are passing away: God never changes.

Patience obtains all things Whoever has God lacks nothing.

God alone suffices.

God wants you to find comfort and peace in this life. Never be afraid to seek help or to admit you don’t have your life together: no one else does, it’s part of being human.

Thank you for sharing!

How Do You Face Your Worst Fears? Part 1

The inability to move or act is one of the most frustrating experiences in life. Inaction is usually a side effect of fear. Here’s an example of what I mean:

A Story about Fear

Dark forest

Imagine you are going for a walk through the forest at dusk. You’re halfway done and about to loop around to head back to your car in the gravel parking lot. You hear a sudden sound of twigs snapping. You begin to pick up pace. Walking. A brisker pace. Jogging next.

The sun seems to set almost immediately (those large oak branches block out most of the sunlight anyways). Darker and darker the woods become. And as the darkness rises so does the sound of the snapping branches.

Your legs move from jogging to running to what feels like an Olympic-level sprint. You catch your foot on a raised root and careen towards the ground. You taste bitterness. Dirt or bugs? Both? You’re too afraid to really care.

You’re already at the edge of the forest.

The good news? You see a glimmer of light from the setting sun. Purple and orange in hue.

The bad news? This is just enough light for you to notice the shadowy outline of a ten-foot-tall creature. “Get up you fool!” your brain exclaims but your body is too tired to move.

And fear sets in… the monstrous silhouette gets closer until you feel the warmth of dripping saliva and see the shadow of 5-inch-long claws. The claw-shadow swipes downward at your face. You want to move but fear disrupts your ability to act to save yourself.


Thankfully, this story isn’t real. It’s something I imagined and is inspired by a book I’m currently reading. But the theme of fear and inaction is a real thing in my current journey.

Some of the most popularized fears are phobias of spiders, enclosed spaces, or unknown creatures from alternate realities. The fear that has plagued me over the past several years is more ordinary but still leads to the feelings of doubt and despair. It’s the fear of failure and tied closely is another fear: the unknown and what the future holds for me.

The Struggle with Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety and Depression

I trust God in the large things but worry constantly about the small things. I have endured indescribable suffering of losing several unborn babies to miscarriage (every other pregnancy my wife and I have had has led to loss). Past suffering taught me God will never abandon me. Such suffering and how God has used it to stabilize my faith is something I have frequently wrote about. Check out my article Containing Joy—Rainbow Baby After Miscarriage Maelstroms. 

Despite the fact I am aware of God’s abiding presence and have numerous instances and memories to remind me of God’s love, I still struggle with worry, angst, and depression. The recipe for this is not merely to pray it away, because mental health issues involve a multi-faceted solution. Don’t get me wrong, prayer is a necessary component to fend off anxiety and depression. But it’s not the sole solution. Documenting my struggles in blog articles helps me to gain perspective and lets others into my struggles. If you are currently in a low point in your spiritual life or simply life in general, please feel free to reach out to me. I may not have the answers, but I can share in your pain and at least point you in the direction of some resources that have helped me in the past.

I started this post in reply to my fear of failure and the unknown. Since my children have gone back to school, I have more time to write. But fear has kept me in a state of inaction. I wasted yesterday and the day before with the fear of the unknown. It was like I was stuck in that dark forest, and I allowed the fear to shroud me. Cover my ability to see how it is possible to move. To act. To write.

The journey thus far one out of darkness (and inaction) and towards action. I don’t have a detailed plan with this “Fear Series” except to document my journey out of the present darkness (you could call it a sort of “Dark Night of the Soul”).

How Exactly Do You Face Your Worst Fears?

Isaiah 41:10 fear quote

It’s simple, but not easy.  You move. It doesn’t always matter which direction you move. Sometimes you move towards the fear. In this case, I moved away from the fear.

To conclude this post (and thank you for bearing with me so far) here’s a reliable prayer from Saint Teresa of Avila which helps get me to act:

Let nothing disturb you, 
Let nothing frighten you, 
All things are passing away: 
God never changes. 
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing; 
God alone suffices.

Thank you for sharing!

Daily Donnybrook— How I KO’d My Former Self

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Editor’s Note: Post originally published on August 12, 2017.


Depression and anxiety are invisible disorders that fail to show physical signs to the untrained eye. I may seem like a normal young adult in American. I may appear to have my life together: I am married, have three adorable children, own a house, and have a job with benefits. Outwardly, I seem to be fine and dandy all the time.

In reality, I have been fighting a battle my entire life. My foe knows me at the most intimate level—knows my deepest fear, greatest strengths, and what makes me tick. The greatest challenger I ever faced in life is me! This summer I embarked on a journey to acquire tools, strategies, and weapons to combat “my former self”. Earlier this week, I finally broke through the darkness of negativity, anxiety, and depression. I metaphorically knocked out my opponent in a cage match of cranial proportions! Let me share with you how I achieved that.

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Professional Help

Recently, I started seeing a professional counselor to help me manage my anxiety and to provide tips to overcome stressful situations. Frankly, my pride staved off appointments as long as possible. I have maintained consistency with scheduling and keeping monthly appointment for a few months now. I can definitely tell the tide is shifting toward favoring “my new self”.

This week I faced a stressful situation that normally would knock me out. I would tend to obsess over things outside of my control. I faced a situation where I finally consciously worked to deescalate and did it in an effective, calm, and timely fashion without having any feeling of guilt or anxiety! Professional help from both my counselor and medical doctor– who prescribed me an anxiety medicine that works for me—provided me strength to succeed against my past self.

I used to think that asking for help showed weakness—and that it was a bad thing. My new way of thinking is asking for help still shows weakness—but weakness and vulnerability is not necessarily negative. It is healthy to rely on others.

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Unexpected Friendships

Fellowship is strength. According to St. Thomas Aquinas, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” I do not believe it is a coincidence that I was sent two blessings of possible friendships within the past week at work.

A team member at my site stopped my desk and started up a jovial conservation about Green Bay Packer football and the joys [and anguishes] of playing the classic Nintendo 64 game NFL Blitz 2001. No prompting on my end, this meeting was seemingly random, but it was good—we talked for over 20 minutes!

The second example of an unexpected friendship arrived from a different route. I received an unexpected compliment [ please see my post How an Unexpected Compliment Revitalized My Week for more information] from a co-worker at a different work site. This week we have interacted through email and worked on a couple escalated accounts. During the stress of the week, I have been able to look to this team member for positive feedback and support.

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The Magic of Music

Along with professional help and burgeoning work friendships, I have made it a point to increase the amount of Christian music I listen to on the radio during my drives to and from work. A particular inspiring song started playing as I arrived at the employee parking lot this morning. Instead of quickly turning off the car and rushing to work, I stayed to finish the ending of the song. The melody and words calmed my nervous nature down. I am able to reflect on some of the song lyrics throughout the day in my mind when I face a tough situation.

When I come home, I have been incorporating music in the early evening pre-bedtime routine. The benefits are two-fold: we limit television time for our children and music calms my youngest son down and mitigates the severity of his tantrums—they have been getting to concern lately both in frequency and length. Matt Maher, a Catholic singer and song writer, probably gives me the best songs to listen to overcome my anxiety. I strongly encourage you to play his music—I find it incredibly soothing and positive.

Goal: Be Better than Your “Yesterday Self”

I am champion this week’s battle against my “former self”. Here is the thing about depression and anxiety, this battle is ongoing and constant. Tomorrow presents a new opportunity for me to KO my “former self”. Professional help, fellowship of friends, and positive music created the perfect game-plan to defeat my former way of thinking. If you are struggling with depression and anxiety, try these tactics. Sometimes it may work. For some people these strategies may not work. The key is learning to find people and tools to help you on your our “Daily Donnybrook against your former self”.

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Thank you for sharing!

3 Tactics to Depress Your Depression

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The beginning of this week continued my struggle with depression. Over the past several weeks, I lacked both the physical, mental, and emotional mettle to write. Journaling and blogging used to come more natural to me, however, lately I ran into a seemingly impenetrable mental wall of writer’s block. During periods of depression, you may feel utterly helpless and lack the motivation to implement means to overcome this vile force. Trust me this feeling is real and appears to be inescapable. I felt the same way to start the week. Please know that hope is always on the horizon—the problem is that you may need to remind yourself of this fact!

Hope arrived on the scene in a unique manner this week—through reading the classic children’s bedtime book Goodnight Moon to my youngest son. Currently he is going through a language explosion—he was recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder—he development was delayed but through frequent therapies we are seeing the fruit of his hard work. The story involves saying goodnight to an array of items and characters in a bedroom. Upon getting to the page about the red balloon, my son shouted “Ah a balloon!” This image of a fully inflated balloon stuck with me throughout the night and into the morning. I viewed my current emotional state as a metaphorical depressed balloon unable to lift off the ground due to lack of the energy, gratitude, and hope.

It took a simple image of a balloon to jumpstart my creative juices about what to write about today. I wish to provide three tactics to take the wind out of the storm of depression you may be facing now—or will be facing in the future!

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  1. Shield Yourself with Thanksgiving: Before going into battle, a solider needs to wear armor and acquire the appropriate defensive tool. Just like physical war, fighting depression involves taking the necessary steps to defend against the continued barrage of negative self-depreciating thoughts. The legendary college basketball coach John Wooden once stated, “If we magnified blessings as much as we magnify disappointments, we would all be much happier.” Adopting this mindset today defended me against depression’s attack.

Start this defensive tactic to keep depression at bay. For example, at lunch I made a mental list of three specific things I was thankful for today. Strawberries, my comic books, and the ability to write freely immediately popped into my mind as things I feel blessed to possess. Try this simple exercise as a way to easily remind yourself of the various blessings in your life. You may be pleasantly surprised that things may not be as bad as you would think!

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  1. Miniature Victories Win the War: A second tactic to weaken depression’s grip is to focus on minor victories throughout the day. Recognizing that the battle against depression is not necessarily achieved through a once-size-fits-all solution became an important step in my battle. Viewing any positive thing that occurred to me over the course of a day as a win is essential. Fitness trainers tell us the importance of focusing on small incremental goals and the same and spiritual directors remind of the importance of praying consistently in short periods of time first before proceeding to long sessions of meditation—why would it be any different for people who suffer from bouts of depression?

 The relief that arrives when I realize that small triumphs over depression are just as successful and valid as large victories.  According to Andrew Carnegie, “If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.” Naming your goal and setting forth a plan is a concrete tactic to combat depression. However, in implementing any plan towards your ultimate goal keep in mind that it is important to celebrate the little victories along with the end result. 

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  1. Fellowship not Forlornness: The great Russian author Fyodor Dostoyevsky in The Brothers Karamazov stated,  “The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” When I strive away from a purposeful life that is when depression seems to infiltrate. Sure life has its natural ups and downs. However, for someone with chronic depression it is vital to journey throughout life in fellowship rather than tackle your struggles alone.

The best literary example that comes to mind when thinking about the importance of communion to fight off despair and depression is J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring. His first installment of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy involves the formation of a Middle Earth menagerie composed of four hobbits, two humans, an elf, a dwarf, and the wizard Gandalf. Similar to depression, the power of the One Ring involved the ability to gain control of its bearer over the course of time. The Fellowship’s singular purpose was to provide aid and companionship to aid Frodo in his journey to destroy the Ring in the fires of Mount Doom. I found this excerpt that exhibits the importance of friendship during moments of doubt,

But it does not seem that I can trust anyone,’ said Frodo.
Sam looked at him unhappily. ‘It all depends on what you want,’ put in Merry. ‘You can trust us to stick with you through thick and thin–to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours–closer than you keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends, Frodo. 

Are you experiencing moments of doubt now? Does it appear that there is no one around you to trust? Please know that this is a false belief—there is always someone who is willing to help. During times of deep depression I too struggle immensely with doubt. I doubt that I am worthy of friendship. I sometimes even doubt that my beloved Father in Heaven care for me.

Surrounding myself with good and holy people help pull myself out of this tendency to self-doubt. Last week, my manager at work provided much needed words of consolation when I struggled with depression in the workplace. Each week I attend the celebration of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass where I am united in communion with other fellow Catholics. Through reception of the Eucharist I am nourished by the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus Christ to journey out into the world for the next week. Thanksgiving, recognizing the small achievements, and seeking fellowship with others allow you to gain an upper hand in your daily battle against depression. Thank you all for reading my articles and continue to fight the good fight!

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Thank you for sharing!