Healing

When God Becomes Our Safe Place: Attachment, Faith, and the Healing of the Heart

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Sponsored: This article is made possible by The Elijah Institute, supporting quality and engaging Catholic content.

There’s a quiet moment that happens sometimes in prayer. It’s that pause when the words dry up and what’s left is something simpler: a reaching out. We may not even know what we’re reaching for, only that we need Someone.

Psychologists have a name for that reaching: attachment behavior — the human drive to seek closeness, safety, and reassurance from someone we trust. It’s the instinct that makes a child run to her father after scraping her knee or a friend call someone they love when grief hits hard. But it’s also at the heart of our spiritual lives.

According to attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth and expanded in later research, our earliest relationships with caregivers shape the patterns of connection that follow us into adulthood. The secure, anxious,avoidant, and fearful avoidant ways we bond with others don’t disappear when we start praying. They often reappear in how we relate to God, particularly during dark and desolate times.

That’s what Pehr Granqvist and Lee Kirkpatrick explore in “Attachment and Religious Representations and Behavior” from The Handbook of Attachment. Their work invites us to see that the God we love is also the God we attach to. Grace often works through the same relational pathways that once taught us how to love, fear, trust, or withdraw.

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Mission in the Wake of Loss: We Carry You Still

/ chicoinematt

Editor’s Note: Matthew Chicoine interviewed Jocelyn Abyad via phone call on June 26th, 2025. Some of the questions have been rearranged and edited to provide the best reader experience without losing any integrity of the answers given. 

What inspired you to start We Carry You Still, and how did your personal experience shape its mission?

In 2020 and 2021 my husband and I lost three babies due to miscarriage (at 10 weeks, 6 weeks, and 15 weeks). We were blindsided and found there were not a lot of existing resources that were compatible with our faith.

My husband and I did some research on this and found our own journey of healing. I found a local grief support group called Forget Me Not (they later merged with Owl Love You Forever). 

From the work we saw with Forget Me Not, we were inspired to create more Catholic resources for those experiencing loss. My mom, myself and a couple friends started We Carry You Still  as a non-profit in 2024. 

How does your Catholic faith—and the richness of the Eastern tradition—inform the way your organization accompanies grieving families?

I am an Eastern Catholic and my mom is a Roman Catholic, so we had the East and West represented. As we brought my friends on board, they are actually Orthodox, our mission expanded. The Orthodox similarly are not providing enough support on the miscarriage issue. Our faith is an Incarnate one. When you lose a child due to miscarriage it feels like this invisible weight that people are carrying on their own. One of the beauties of our faith is that we have a physical faith. We have our Mother in Heaven. She knows how it feels to bury Her child.  

You mention that miscarriage affects not just the parents, but the entire Body of Christ. What does that communal aspect of grief and healing look like in practice?

Well the name of our ministry reflects that vision. We address this on several levels. First, we know that the parents and immediate family carry the baby that was lost in their hearts, even for years to come.. We offer free Memory Boxes for the women who experience the miscarriage to help them remember their child and process their grief.. 

Similarly, we are empowering the community to show up for the grieving family with this gift box. Sometimes the community wants to help and show up but they don’t know how. This gives them a way to do that. Everybody together is carrying each other in their grief. Mothers, fathers, living children and even parents who had miscarriages decades ago. And helping the community around them support those in grieving their loss. 

What kind of spiritual and practical support does We Carry You Still offer for couples navigating miscarriage or infant loss?

We also offer healing retreats (no matter how long it has been since you lost a baby). 

Our retreats are offered to women and couples. We are in the unique position that my husband is serving as a priest and father who knows the loss of a child personally. 

Our box packing events are an opportunity for people to help pay if forward and put their grief to work. While we do have some people who haven’t experienced this type of loss helping with the grief boxes, it is predominantly those couples who have experienced loss themselves with miscarriages helping to prepare these boxes for those couples who are currently going through the grief of losing a child. 

Many Catholic parents struggle with how to talk to their other children about miscarriage. Do you have any advice for families walking through that?

First off, on our website, we offer informational guides and resources. We have a guide for anyone who is touched by these losses. We have guides in both English and Spanish. On our resources page we have book recommendations for both adults and children. Everything we recommend is in line with official Church teaching. 

Typically, for children it is helpful to keep them informed about the miscarriage, bring them to the funeral, visit the graves of their siblings, and invite them in prayers.

There’s this context by which the children can experience such loss through the lense of faith. There’s a hope in the Resurrection and seeing our babies (and their siblings) in Heaven. 

I think that while my children were very sad at the moment, having them be a part of the grieving process in light of our Catholic faith has been impactful in the healing process. 

How can parishes, priests, and Catholic communities be more supportive to families facing this kind of loss?

I think number one if I speak broadly, this is the forgotten front of the pro-life movement. We do a good job of praying outside abortion clinics and pray to end abortion and euthanasia. And yet we leave faithful couples in the pew who have experienced miscarriage with little to no support.

Burying the dead is a corporal work of mercy. If women are prepared to bury their babies; if people were given these resources they would be more prepared to deal with these crises when they happen. 

I think we can be more sensitive on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Use more inclusive language that acknowledges that there is a range of experiences of motherhood and fatherhood.

Providing information is a key way. In the Diocese of Phoenix, we will be participating in the annual NFP training and giving couples resources if and when they may need it. To at least give them resources in the back of their mind should they experience a miscarriage. 

For those who want to help but aren’t sure how, what’s the best way Catholics can support someone who’s grieving the loss of a child?

I would point back to the guides we have on our website. Don’t be afraid to mention the child. The parents will not forget about their child. If you can remember the child by name it can be very empowering. 

I try to ask open-ended questions to see how they are feeling. And I also ask people to tell me about your family instead of how many kids you have. 

Where can my audience learn more about your work? 

Visit us at We Carry You Still and take a  visual tour to learn more. You can also follow us on: Facebook and Instagram @wecarryyoustill . There are two other excellent ministries in this line of work. One is Redbird which supports child loss of any age and the other is Springs in the Desert, who supports Catholics experiencing infertility.

About Jocelyn: 

Jocelyn Abyad is the wife of Fr. Zyad Abyad and mother of 7 daughters on earth and 3 babies in Heaven. She holds a degree in psychology from Arizona State University and worked as a finance banker for over a decade before choosing to stay home to homeschool her children. Alongside her husband, she serves at St. John of the Desert Melkite Catholic Church in Phoenix, Arizona.Jocelyn shares insights on homeschooling and liturgical living across multiple platforms as Melkite Momma and is a regular contributor to Byzikids Magazine. Throughout her work and personal experiences, Jocelyn seeks to foster faith, family, and community.

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Faustina’s Faith: How A Simple Polish Nun Changed My World

/ chicoinematt

Editor’s Note: Post originally published on October 10, 2017.

October 5th marked the Feast Day of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska. Venerated by the Catholic Church as the “Apostle of Mercy” the Polish saint influenced the world arguably more than any other individual in the 20th century. I have mentioned this previously and I will mention this again, Sister Faustina holds a special place in my heart. She has impacted my writing and spirituality as much as anyone. Classified as a mystic because of her unique spiritual experiences and visions from God, Maria Faustina is a model of what holiness looks like when an individual completely trusts on the Father’s will. As a belated celebration of her Feast Day, I will reflect on a couple ways the Polish nun influenced my life.

maria faustina

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Dose of Divine Mercy

Maria Faustina received this message from our Lord during her visions,

“‘I am love and Mercy Itself.  There is no misery that could be a match for My mercy, neither will misery exhaust it, because as it is being granted – it increases.  The soul that trusts in My mercy is most fortunate, because I Myself take care of it.’” (1273, page 459).

In His infinite wisdom, God reminded the world—through the young Polish sister—that His mercy overcomes anything. The 20th century experienced two world wars and many decades of Communism. St. Faustina died of tuberculosis before the advent of WWII. God used her as an instrument to prepare people that hope will not be lost despite the atrocities of the Holocaust.

On a personal level, my family has been transformed spiritually by God’s mercy. The Chaplet of Divine Mercy Prayer pulled my wife from the depths of despair after her close high school friend died by suicide. Faustina’s intercession within my wife’s life poured into my spiritual life as well. Frequently, I look to God’s mercy in times of trial and desolation in daily living. I am grateful for St. Maria Faustina’s “YES” to God’s divine plan.

dr who

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trust Me I’m the Doctor

I need to be direly ill before I allow myself to go to the doctor. Unfortunately, sometimes the same can be said about my spiritual life. Because of my stubbornness and pride, I only seek help from the divine physician when I need spiritual triage. I need to develop a better trust is Jesus Christ—my divine healer—to aid me both in desperate times and during daily living! According to St. Faustina, trust is an essential feature in growing in the spiritual life. Here is an excerpt from her diary:

Today the Lord said to me, ‘Daughter, when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it.  Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself entirely in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul.  When you approach the confessional, know this, that I Myself am waiting there for you.  I am only hidden by the priest, but I Myself act in your soul.  Here the misery of the soul meets the God of Mercy.  Tell souls that from this fount of mercy souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust.  If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity.  The torrent of grace inundate humble souls.  The proud remain always in poverty and misery, because My grace turns away from them to humble souls. (1602, page 568)

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Do I trust that God is present in the confessional? Am I aware that I am spiritually infirmed and in need of healing? Jesus tells us, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do” (Luke 5:31). Through the intercession of Sister Maria I have learned to view Jesus more as a divine doctor and the Catholic Church as a hospital.  Let us ask for healing from our sin and weakness by asking Christ the Divine Physician for restorative union with God:

Healing Novena

To Christ the Great Physician
We know that there is one physician:
Both flesh and spirit
uncreated, yet born
God in man
True life in death
From both Mary and From God
Subject to suffering and then impassible
Jesus Christ our Lord!

We ask O Great Physician, for spiritual, physical, and emotional healing, especially my intention of ______.
You of both flesh and spirit

May we spend all of our days in your healing presence
You the eternal Son born for us

Grant us the healing benefits of your Incarnation, Death, and Resurrection
You who are true God and true man

Grant us your true life in the midst of death
You, the true life in death

Grant us to follow your example and that of your Blessed Mother
You, from both Mary and from God

May our suffering be for our growth; free us, we pray, from that which we cannot bear
We ask You, O God the Word who became man to suffer

We ask you to grant us this healing if it brings us closer to you,
Jesus Christ our Lord!

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Related Links

3 Ways St. Maria Faustina Provided Buoyancy in the Overwhelming Ocean of Life

Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska The Humble Instrument

St. Faustina’s Eucharistic Wisdom: 10 Gems

3 Reasons Why I Am Thankful for Divine Mercy Sunday!

 

 

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Siphoning Sanctity? How to Reconcile Mark 5:21-43’s Peculiar Passage with Reality

/ chicoinematt

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Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on July 4, 2018.

Having taught high school Old and New Testament in the past and being a cradle Catholic, the newness of the Good News found in the Bible sometimes gets taken for granted. During the Liturgy of the Word for Sunday’s Mass, the Gospel reading actually penetrated my theological torpor and liturgical listlessness. Mark 5:21-43 details two healing stories in one gospel proclamation. The evangelist began with a synagogue official named Jarius pleading to Jesus to save his daughter near death.

Random or Intentional Detail in the Gospel of Mark?

On the way toward Jarius’ residence, Mark inserts a random tangent. He tells of the woman afflicted with a hemorrhage for a dozen years! Jesus heals this poor woman, and the passage concludes with Jesus raising Jarius’ daughter from the dead.

questions

Reflecting on this passage the following questions invaded my mind:

  • Why does Mark insert a seemingly random story within a healing story? Could he not simply detail the healing of the hemorrhaging woman after completing the passage on the healing of Jarius’ daughter?
  • Does this Gospel reading contain the strangest sentence uttered by Jesus: Who has touched my clothes? Is he not omniscient and all-knowing as God?
  • Power flowing from Jesus…what a peculiar way to describe the healing incident?

These questions initially perplexed me, however, when I had time to think about the passage and re-read the evangelist’s words and interpret in light of the teaching of the Catholic Church I learned of the deeper more spiritual meaning hidden within Mark 5:21-43 and how it relates to my life today.

Christ Willing to Save All—Social Status does not matter

Sandwiched between the beginning and the end of the healing of Jarius’ daughter, Mark inserted Jesus’ encountered a woman suffering from a blood disorder. After careful review, I noticed the juxtaposition between the two individuals. Below is a chart that showing the differences in how Jarius’ daughter and the unnamed woman came to learn about Jesus.

Jarius’ Daughter Woman Suffering Hemorrhage
Young Older
Prestigious Family Poor
Father’s Intercedes Actively Passive Request for Healing
Saw Jesus Heard Jesus

John Paul II declared, “[O]nly in Christ do we find real love, and the fullness of life. And so I invite you today to look to Christ.” Certainly, Mark 5 demonstrates people who recognize the importance and power of Jesus.

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Encountering the Power of God

According to the evangelist, “And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone forth from him, immediately turned about in the crowd, and said, ‘Who touched my garments?’” Obsessed with superheroes, I recently received Legendary: A Marvel Deck Building Game from my wife for Father’s Day. Along with my passion for this geeky deck-building game, I have rented a slew of comic books from the library as well.

While my fandom seems random to the discussion of Mark’s Gospel, I need to provide a little backdrop to my thought process after hearing the priest read Mark 5:30. The first thought that popped into my head, “I did not know Rogue made an appearance. Sapping or draining of power is the hallmark of that X-Men character. Marvelously [no pun intended], merely grazing the cloak of Jesus healed the woman right away.

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Joking aside, the healing power of Jesus is quite amazing. Previous consultation with doctors failed to ease the woman’s suffering. The passage that may be interrupted as a “power loss” of Jesus is not meant to infringe on his divine nature. On the contrary, Mark, like the other Synoptic Gospels, never dispute the divinity of Christ, he was utilizing language that his audience would be able to understand.

Jesus—Hope in Face of Despair

Mark 5:21-43 also focuses on hope in a seemingly hopeless situation. After healing the woman with a hemorrhage, Jesus arrived too late—at least that was what the crowd thought! Urging Jarius to accept his daughter’s fate the onlookers declared, “Your daughter is dead. Why trouble the Teacher any further?” Men of little faith and tenacity would have resigned themselves to start the grieving process. Yet Jesus urged the synagogue official to not be afraid.

According to Saint Pope John XXII, “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” From the onset of this Gospel reading Jarius actively sought the aid of Jesus and pleaded for the return of his daughter to life when all looked hopeless as she appeared to linger in the shadow of death. Below is a link to a story about Jesus providing miraculous healing to another young daughter—prematurely born!

uniqueness

 

 

 

 

Uniqueness of the Individual

A final thought that crossed my mind when reflecting on Mark 5:21-43 was that Jesus focuses on the present moment with grace, love, and resolve. Even on the way toward healing a prominent religious official’s child, Christ paused to listen to the needs of an ordinary, poor woman. Saint Mother Teresa said, “Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.” Do not worry about the past nor the future only concern about the need of God’s children in front of you.

This is exactly what Jesus did in Mark 5:25-34. He noticed the presence of the sickly woman. And Christ stopped to show mercy the person in need at the present moment.

As a father of four young children, my focus is frequently divided between juggling the various needs and adventures of my kids growing up. What I learned to devote my attention and time to the present moment and act with love instead of worrying about the various needs and whether it will be adequate or not.

The genius of the Gospel message centers on the individual first. Siphoning sanctity cannot occur as love multiplies not divides when more and more individuals come into your life.

family circus

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Why Salt Water is the Cure for Everything

/ chicoinematt / 2 Comments

By: Deacon Marty McIndoe

I have lived almost all of my life on an island, surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean and the Long Island Sound.  I feel very blessed by that.  The sea part of me. Every year my wife and I usually try to escape to warm weather for the months of January and February.

Two years ago we spent the time in the southwest traveling around Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and inland Southern California.  We absolutely loved it and appreciated the beauty of the southwest.  However, I really felt like I was out of place.  I was no where near any large body of salt water.  It just didn’t seem right to me.  I was out of place, literally.

This year we did our winter getaway in the south and in Florida and stayed almost all of the time in timeshares that were on the beach, overlooking the Atlantic Ocean or Gulf of Mexico.  I felt so much more at home than I did on our desert trip.  There is a real comfort and awe when we look out on the ocean.  For me, I see and feel God in the beauty and immensity of the ocean.

I came across a quote from Isak Dinesen (also known as Tania Blixen author of “Out of Africa”) from her “Seven Gothic Tales” which consisted of the following dialogue:

An old seaman says to his unhappy foster-son, “I know of a cure for everything: Salt water.”

“Salt water?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he said, “in one way or the other. Sweat, or tears, or the salt sea.”

History of Salt

I couldn’t help but to see the truth in that statement.  The cure for everything is “Sweat or Tears or the Salt Sea”.   It’s interesting to see the history of man’s use of salt.  The Hebrew Scriptures (The Old Testament) value salt so much that it was considered to be able to be used as a gift to God as a “covenant of salt” (Lev. 2: 13; II Chron. 13:5; Num. 18:19). It was also used in sacrifices by the Israelites (Ezek. 43:24 and Gen. 31:54).  Belief in its preservative and healing properties led to its use to dry and harden the skin of newborns (Ezek. 16:4) and to prevent umbilical cord infection.

The Egyptians and the Persians considered it such a special commodity that it could only be handled by their royalty.  The ancient Romans paid their soldiers their wages in salt (Latin word is “sal”) from which we today get the word “salary” and the expression, “worth his weight in salt”.

Salt Preserves

Salt had been used for over 3500 years as a preservative for meats and a flavoring for food.  It is still seen as a sign of hospitality and friendship in the Middle East. In Mark Chapter 9, verse 50 Jesus says, “Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other.”   St. Paul’s tells us in Col. 4:6:”Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  Jesus also called His followers to be the “salt of the earth”.   Salt is all about preservation, healing, and peace.

The Church has a special prayer for the blessing of salt.  After the blessing, the salt is often placed in Holy Water, or sometimes used by itself.  This prayer, from the Roman Ritual says,

 Almighty God, we ask you to bless this salt, as once you blessed the salt scattered over the water by the prophet Elisha. Wherever this salt (and water) is sprinkled, drive away the power of evil, and protect us always by the presence of your Holy Spirit. Grant this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

 Salt is also seen as a means of driving away evil or preserving one from evil corruption.

Salt is found naturally in the sea, in our tears, and in our sweat.  All three of these can help to heal us.  As motivational speaker Rita Schiano tell us, “Tears are God’s gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow”.  Tears come to us from our very being.  They are responses to hurt and loss as well as happiness and gain.

Soothing Tears

Tears can be shed from earthy stimuli such as movies and can also be shed from spiritual stimuli such as God’s Word or the touch of Christian love.  They are an expression that sometimes can speak louder and clearer than words.  They bring us healing in so many ways.

Sweat of our brow

Sweat is a result of our hard work.  The Catholic Church has always stressed the importance of work in our lives.  The Protestant Churches are also known for their work ethic.  Work is not only necessary for civilization to flourish, but it brings a sense of purpose and often healing to the individual.  It also helps us to accomplish our dreams.  Colin Powell tells us, “A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”

We find our happiness in working hard for our dreams whether it be as simple (yet profound) as a man or woman working hard to support their family, or a researcher finding the cure for cancer.  Work, and sweat, are part of who we are called to be.

God’s Gift of Water

The Sea is a special gift to us from God.  Our scientists tell us that life itself originated there.  For us, it is a place to enjoy in so many different ways whether it is swimming and fishing or simply gazing out towards its majesty.  As John F. Kennedy told us, “We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch – we are going back from whence we came.”  The Sea can truly be a healing influence in our lives.

In writing this article, I hope to make you think and pray about the healing influence of the Sea, Sweat and Tears.  I am including some quotes for you to think about and pray about and see how the Lord may be speaking to you.  I hope that you find some quiet time to pray and think about these quotes.  May our good Lord bless you and bring you His healing love.   May you come to better realize the healing gifts given to us in Salt Water: the Sea, Tears or Sweat.

About the author

Deacon Marty McIndoe is a Roman Catholic permanent deacon in the Diocese of Rockville Centre on Long Island, NY. He was in the first class of deacons for the diocese and was ordained on October 4th, 1980. Marty also follows Franciscan spirituality as a member of the Society of Franciscan Deacons.
He has done numerous speaking and teaching events within the Long Island area, as well as published articles and blogs, and is currently working on his first book. He has been actively assigned to St. Francis de Sales in Patchogue New York since his ordination.
Deacon Marty prides himself in following the teaching Magisterium of the Church and in his commitment to obedience to his bishop. He also tries to follow his call given to him on his ordination day when his bishop handed him the Gospel book and said, “believe what you read, teach what you believe and practice what you teach.” Deacon Marty, a former Methodist, converted to the Catholic Faith in 1972.

Related Links

Are You a Salt or Sugar of the World

Discipleship, Holiness, and the Gospel Of Matthew Part 3

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2 Reasons Why Jesus’ “Failed” Miracle is the Turning Point of Mark’s Gospel

/ chicoinematt

healing of blind man

 My favorite healing story in Mark’s Gospel is the curing of the blind man at Bethsaida. God confirmed this because the lone bookmark in my study bible remained on Mark 8:22-26. I placed that bookmark over 4 years ago!

will wow gif

 Like most of the healing stories in Mark, the curing of the blind man is short. Here is the text,

22When they arrived at Bethsaida, they brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. 23He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. Putting spittle on his eyes he laid his hands on him and asked, “Do you see anything?”g 24Looking up he replied, “I see people looking like trees and walking.” 25Then he laid hands on his eyes a second time and he saw clearly; his sight was restored and he could see everything distinctly. 26Then he sent him home and said, “Do not even go into the village.” (Mark 8:22-26 New American Bible)

I call this Jesus’ “apparent failed miracle” mostly because he has to cure the blind man in stages—the cure does not happen instantaneously.  The man’s statement, “I see people looking like trees and walking”,  is the oddest sentence  I ever read in the New Testament.

It took me a long time to realize the purpose of this story. I give two reasons for why Mark 8:22-26 is the turning point in Jesus’ ministry.

patience

The healing happened in stages

This healing stands unique against Jesus’ other healings because Jesus does not heal the blind man right away. St. Jerome in Homily 79 viewed this passage allegorically to signify mankind’s gradual increase in wisdom. In other words, God’s revelation of truth throughout the Old Testament, New Testament, and current in the age of the Church is incremental.

Peter’s declaration happens immediately after this healing

I previously mentioned the significance of having a contextual reading of the Bible as a whole. Most people tend to see this as reading books in the context of other biblical books. Yet, in the case of Mark 8:22-26 a contextual reading to draw out this passage’s meaning can occur within the gospel itself.

Peter declares Jesus to be the Christ in Mark 8:30. I do not think this was a coincidence on the part of the evangelist. I believe  Mark placed the healing of the blind man at Bethsaida before Peter’s revelation strategically. He wanted to show  how God’s truth is revealed gradually.

From this point of the gospel until the end Jesus starts to ramp up his predictions of his Death and Resurrection. He reveals his identity more and more!

Living out the Gospel

I challenge you all to reflect upon this healing story and ask yourself these questions: At what stage am I at in my faith journey? Do I truly recognize Jesus to be the Christ as Peter proclaims, or am I still partially blind in my faith and seeing “theological trees”?

trees look like people

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Toy Cars, Smiles, and Autism: A Birthday Tribute to Our Family’s Healer

/ chicoinematt

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Today my family celebrates my youngest son’s two-year old birthday. Since his breakthrough into this world, he provided my life with light, levity, and laughter. Being our rainbow baby—a child born after suffering a marriage—his name seemed to be apropos, Josiah. The name Josiah actually means “healer”. Truly, the Holy Spirit guided my wife and I toward this name. In a gridlock over boy names, suddenly the name Josiah entered my mind as an option. Upon telling my wife of this idea she fell instantly in love with the name. Only after settling on this matter did we discover his healing nature.

psalms-147-3

According to Psalm 147:3, “[God] heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.” The Divine Physician sends healing graces in a myriad of ways—the ordinary and prime method is through the gifts of the seven sacraments. Children are a natural fruit of the procreative sexual acts. God elevates these fruits in the sacrament of Matrimony to provide husband and wife opportunities to growth in holiness and strength to remain steadfast and calm in difficult family times.  Paragraph 1641 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church clearly states,

By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts in the People of God.147 This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they ‘help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children.’

As previously stated, the ordinary means of growing in holiness is through participation of the sacramental life. Within the sacrament of Matrimony I have learned that laughter is a strong defense against the prowess of pride. No other person [aside from my wife] is able to consistently cause me to laugh or smile, and I mean genuinely grin until my mouth hurts or laugh until my side hurts, than my son Josiah! Recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder he poses an array of daily challenges, but his [apparent] disability gives him the unique ability to provide levity to stressful situations throughout the week.

die-cast-toy-cars

A major trait for people with autism spectrum disorder is that they normally become obsessed with a particular interest that encompasses nearly every facet of life. Toy cars emerged as my son’s particular obsession–several months ago– and he needs to carry at least one car in hand at all times. Toy cars provide comfort to him during stressful and changing situations. Allowing him to carry toy cars helps minimize meltdowns and tantrums. Seeing my son’s enthusiasm and joy whenever he wakes up in the morning and runs over to the toy-chest to dump over his box of cars and trucks gives me a smile. His routine is the same each day.

Consulting the King of Paradox

The joy of autism in my son reminds me of the words of G.K. Chesterton,

Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we (Orthodoxy). 

not bored

Monotony does not exist in our household. Autism spectrum disorder is challenging to deal with as a parent. I would be a liar if I said otherwise. However, going into marriage and thinking parenting, of any kind, would be easy is a fallacious  lie the Evil One sows into the minds individuals entering marriage. Admittedly, I am prone to the sin of laziness and I too fell, and recently fell, into the trap of believing that parenthood should be easy. The benefit of writing this tribute is that it has allowed me time to ponder the ups and the downs of fatherhood.

Mary’s Perfect Motherhood–a pathway to a more perfect fatherhood 

Recently, I renewed my dedication to the Blessed Virgin Mary through praying the Rosary as I rocked Josiah to bed. Starting with a couple Hail Marys I worked my way up to a decade before he started chucking his toy cars onto the floor–this is a sign he usually is ready for me to lay him down in the crib. The simple petition to my spiritual Mother actually allowed me to grow in the virtue of patience–vitally important for my journey toward being a better father. St. Josemaria Escriva advocated of the Rosary by saying, “Say the Holy Rosary. Blessed be that monotony of Hail Mary’s which purifies the monotony of your sins!” 

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My experience can attest to the truth value of his statement. Bedtime is the perfect time for the Devil to swoop in and allow for sins of impatience and anger explode. Children often arise from bed, even now as I write, my daughter is getting out of her room to try to escape nap time [thus interrupting the flow of my writing!] “Dad! I dropped my golden boogers (jar of gold flakes that she somehow found from my childhood trip to Yellowstone) behind the dresser!” This was the reason my children were up. I cannot make up this stuff. Truly the fruits of marriage provide unique opportunities and challenges for parents to ferment in holiness.

 Thank you God for the gifts of my children–challenging as they may be to raise. I am grateful to celebrate my son Josiah’s birthday– the creator of laughter, smiles, and curator of toy cars in our household. May God bless you and I pray the Holy Spirit is able to open your hearts to the joy of laughter just as my son frequently does for my family!

Thank you for sharing!