My driving experience this morning. I wasn’t speeding at all. I even tried to slow down to avoid the birds.
Three geese just started flying over the road..
And one’s trajectory was lower.
I shared with one of my friends at work and he replied, “Find the message.”
I’m finding the humor in it. I couldn’t help smiling the rest of the drive. 😳😆🙂
The goose also reminded me of the words of Saint Paul…
“We know that all things work for good for those who love God,* who are called according to his purpose.” —Romans 8:28
Everything is connected. If you’re a fan of the TV show Manifest you will know exactly what I’m talking about. For those that haven’t seen it Romans 8:28 means that God can use anything for your good. Even the horrific and seeemingly unpurposely stuff you go through.
In 2014 my view on this verse was much different than it is today. On a November afternoon, I attended my wife’s pregnancy appointment because she was experiencing some pain. I heard my unborn son’s heartbeat on the ultrasound. A mere four hours later my wife miscarried. It was a horrifying experience. Beyond words. The best description for the pain I experience was numbing and like a snake bite. The poison didn’t set in immediately. Not until several months later did I come to grip with the emotions I felt. Losing a child made me question God’s goodness and I struggled to find good in anything.
The phrase “abandonment to Divine Providence” is still probably the most accurate description of how my faith life went. Dark night of the soul is another image I continue to reflect on in relation to my suffering that year. Yelling in anger and sadness at God was my default form of prayer in the months after the miscarriage.
But God truly does use everything for our good. Even the worst experiences. Grief is love that persists. It’s a tangible sign of what remains of your loved ones that passed away. Death sucks. But the more you experience death (spiritually or literally when you lose family and friends) the closer to get to the Crucified Christ. It’s a mystery of pain and love.
God can use anything for your good.
Going back to the Goose
Why did the goose dawdle in his aerial ascent? Why did I almost hit the bird with my vehicle? These are odd questions I still think about months after the incident.
God used the goose to grab my attention. My first reaction was laughter at the strangeness of the event. Moments after the “thud” of the goose against my windshield, I knew I wanted to write a longer article about this experience and what it took me.
I finally got around to finishing this post a couple months later. Everything is connected. God’s gives us signs and opportunities to learn in a variety of ways.
In case you were wondering… the bird is okay.
Take Flight, Let Your Soul Soar Towards God
How has God worked in your life?
How has your understanding of Romans 8:28 changed over time?
Take time to reflect on God’s workings in your life today!
P.S. Spread the Gospel news daily through your actions— even accidentally clipping a goose…use words if necessary. 🙂
Editor’s Note: Post originally published on January 13, 2019.
The legendary Italian artist Michelangelo once purported, “The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.” I once traveled overseas on a college trip around Europe. One of the stops our tour group was in Rome. Seeing Michelangelo’s masterpiece in the Sistine Chapel certainly allowed me to encounter the mysterious and awesome presence of God. My sublime experience in Rome lasted only a few minutes and occurred over a decade ago. I am extremely grateful to have seen with my own eyes one of the greatest and most beautiful works of art in all of human history.
Fast-forward ten years and a lot has changed in my life: I am married with four children, and in the workforce. While life brought me many struggles since that moment in Italy, my Catholic faith is stronger and more real because of those trials. Throughout much of 2018 I wrote frequently about my wife and I’s struggle with despair, loneliness, and sadness at the loss of our unborn children. Losing a child, you never could hold takes an indescribable toll on a person’s mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
A Christmas Miracle Child
This Christmas season our family was blessed with the healthy birth of our daughter. From the onset of the pregnancy complications developed. God interceded and saved our daughter from being miscarried. He accomplished it through the power of prayer and healing graces of the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick. Our parish priest administered this sacrament to my wife. In my post, Containing Joy—Rainbow Baby After Miscarriage Maelstroms – The Simple Catholic, I talk about the struggle be joyous throughout the pregnancy. Hope always permeated our thoughts, but we tempered our joy just in case our daughter did not make it to term.
God’s Peace in the Pain
After my wife’s contractions got frequent enough for the delivery doctor and nurses to arrive, a calming presence overcame me as I gazed into my wife’s eyes between her painful contractions. An otherworldly peace entered that delivery room. Joy, peace, and confidence radiated from my wife’s eyes in the moments before our daughter was born.
Skeptics may doubt Divine Providence had anything to do with our experience in the delivery room. All I can speak of is my experience and that was an encounter with a reality, call it what you will, whose origin is not of this earthly existence. Long anticipation of seeing, hearing, and holding our daughter seemed to have time at a standstill those short minutes before the arrival of Avila.
Bishop Robert Barron once stated, “Begin with the beautiful, which leads you to the good, which leads you to the truth.” Our joy-filled yet anxious laden pregnancy delivery began with the beautiful―the news of the conception of our daughter. That beautiful news led to the good. Good through the form of good friends, family, and priests praying for us on this 9-month journey.
Finally, the good of fellowship and prayer led my wife and I to the truth― this reality is not the sole mode of existence. The God who is above humanity’s total and complete comprehension decided to reveal himself in the material world. God became man in the person of Jesus Christ on Christmas Day in Bethlehem, and I had the privilege of encountering the peace of the Holy Spirit that early morn in the hospital room before and during the birth of my daughter!
“The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection.”
We picked the name Jeremiah because of the comfort the prophet found in God despite his suffering and it matched the rhyme pattern of our older kids (Noah and Amelia).
I just discovered something that HAS to be from God.
As I was looking up the New American Bible translation of the Bible verse below I realized the header above the First Chapter of Jeremiah reads:
“Oracles in the Days of Josiah”
Why is this significant???
Because in 2015 sometime in June I was continuing to battle depression and told my wife, “I just want something good to happen in my life”(in hindsight I know God already surrounded me with Jenny and my older two kids but despair limits our vision).
We found out a couple days later she was pregnant and we disagreed on names (she wanted Isaiah while I preferred Elijah).
Somewhere/somehow I was nudged toward the name Josiah.
Josiah my rainbow baby 🌈 who brings us joy wearing his carwash brush costume. 🙂
Two things I didn’t know about the name when I discovered it:
❤️ Name literally means “healer”
❤️ Josiah was referenced a few verses before one of the passages that gave me comfort in the wake of losing Jeremiah (again I only learned this five minutes ago from writing this post)
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
I thought the miracle of Jeremiah and Josiah was already amazingly connected but God keeps adding to the mystery of this memorial of suffering for my family.
It is both sorrowful and joyful.
God truly does work everything for the good (because He loves you)!
Please pray for the repose of Jeremiah’s soul and all other unborn babies who died before mother’s and fathers could hold them.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” —Jeremiah 1:5
The only Doctor of the Church who was neither ordained nor part of the consecrated life. Catherine was a third-order Dominican so technically part of the laity. So cool!
Saint Catherine of Siena pray for us!
Quick story 👇
Signs were pointing to another impending miscarriage.
This would have been our fifth. Every other pregnancy ended in pain and sadness.
The timing wasn’t the greatest either. My wife was going to miscarry on Mother’s Day 2018.
We had our parish priest administer the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick in hopes for healing.
We petitioned Saint Catherine to intercede and protect my unborn child.
Since May 2018, every night we ask for the intercession of Catherine of Siena as a way to thank her and God.
Avila Catherine Geraldine trying to help me exercise. Lol
By the grace of God my daughter was safely born and is energetic.
We named (middle name) our daughter after the Sienese saint.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on August 19th, 2017
My wife and I stood outside surrounded by our family and close friends at the local Catholic cemetery. It was a cool November afternoon. Gray clouds lined the sky and appeared to be about ready to burst at any moment. The priest from our parish recited the funeral rite.
Throughout this process, my wife and I simply existed. I did not truly take in the meaning or fully process the prayers uttered by Fr. John. Instead, the world seemed to have frozen in silence—a horrific silence.
We lost our unborn son Jeremiah.
The event of our miscarriage immediately effected and crippled my wife. For me, despair and desolation did not actually set in until several months later. I spiraled into a deep depression. Wrestled over the belief in a good and generous God. Doubted my Creator’s providence and presence. Hope seemed futile.
Moment of Transformation
Fast forward almost 2 years; this event has been without question the turning point of my life [so far]! According to the prophet Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you” (Jeremiah 1:5).
Since the death of our son, his namesake’s words hit much closer to home. What I have come to realize is that St. Paul’s words in Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work for good for those who love God,* who are called according to his purpose” is not a pious clique.
There exists actual weight, real impact, and tangibility to his words. Let me explain. Yesterday, I had a day off from work. I decided to take my three kids to Jeremiah’s grave-site and place flowers on the grave. Before we left for the store, I was trying to wear out the children so they would not be too hyper at the cemetery. I made some paper airplanes for my son and daughter to toss.
Comfort Comes Unexpectedly
Along with making paper airplanes, my son wanted to color on the extra paper. I gave him the closest pen I could find. Soon into the process of drawing, he asked me how to spell three words. I was thinking, “Good, at least he is sitting down and this coloring is keeping him preoccupied. He’s thinking about school since he wants to learn to spell.”
It was not until we were traveling in the car after purchasing the flowers that my son’s true plan came to light. “Daddy, could we please get a little bag to put this book I made for Jeremiah into. I don’t want it to get wet” [it was starting to rain at this point], he said. I was floored by his reply. He actually took what I said to heart and sacrificed play time to make something for his unborn brother.
That was probably my proudest moment as a parent. What I have learned in the past two years is that God works all things for the good through the Sacrament of Time! Below are two ways I learned about this ordinary and sometimes forgotten gift from God.
Time Exists to Show Mercy
According to Peter Kreeft, professor of philosophy at Boston College, in his work Time, “We must restore our spiritual sanity. One giant step in that direction is to think truly about time.” He goes on to talk about time existing within prayer as opposed to prayer existing in time. Prayer is communication with God.
Kreeft is saying that time should be viewed under the lens of communication with the Divine. “Prayer determines and changes and miraculously multiplies time…prayer multiplies time only if and when we sacrifice our time, offer it up. There’s the rub. We fear sacrifice. It’s a kind of death,” the Catholic professor tells us.
Through my experiences, I have learned that time grants me opportunities to display mercy as well. Forgiving others and showing mercy is tough. Time is one of God’s gifts to make mercy easier. I offered God countless prayers of lament in the months after our miscarriage. This resulted in a seed of mercy planted in my heart. Not until I sacrificed my time and prayed did I gain the ability to mercy toward myself and be able to learn to forgive God.
Sadness Remains, but Transformed
Time heals all wounds. We hear this phrase mentioned frequently when a person experiences a hardship or loss of a loved one. This adage does not contain the full truth. In reality, time does not eliminate sadness or wounds, rather it transforms them. I still experience sadness when I think of my unborn child.
The sacrament of time has transformed this sadness from a despairing sadness to a joyful sadness [I know if sounds like oxymoron term but I am not sure how else to describe it!].
Time and prayer turn suffering from a destructive force to a purgative, and possibly redemptive force. I posted our loss on social media. People reached out to me saying they were inspired by the funeral service we provided for our unborn child.
A friend from high school told me when she heard about my loss,
“Your testament and story give me inspiration to have grave markers in our backyard to remember our miscarriages. This was helped me move on and provide healing,”
Seven Other Sacraments
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “The sacraments are efficacious[effective] signs of grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which divine life is dispensed to us” (CCC 1131). Formally there are seven sacraments. But God transforms (and uses) time into a sacrament too.
Time exists in prayer not the other way around. Kreeft tells us, “Eternity is not in the future but in the present. The future is unreal, not yet real” (Time). Don’t worry about the past or future. Embrace now, the present. Welcome the sacrament of time—now!
Why don’t I worry about the uncertainty caused by the political strife, rhetoric, and fear-mongering (on both sides)?
Past suffering taught me God will never abandon me
In late 2014, I got a call from my wife to leave work. She was 10 weeks pregnant and in an ultrasound appointment. Her history of miscarriages and early signs pointed to another one in the process.
I was able to hear Jeremiah’s heartbeat that day. It was the first (and only) time I heard it. Four hours later, Jeremiah died.
We kept the remains for a few days in order to get tests to determine what happened.
It was discovered my wife contracted a virus at school. I forgot the name but it’s dangerous for the unborn.
Despair crippled my wife immediately.
It bit me like a slow-acting poison. The dangerous effects didn’t come to fruition until several months later.
I felt dead inside. An empty shell of myself. Joyless.
Persist in Prayer
I continued to pray and attend the sacraments during my despair but I rarely felt God’s presence.
Yet, I persisted on. Faith in the unseen God. Faith despite utter lack of consolation.
In the summer of 2015, I told my wife, “I want something good to happen in my life.” Obviously, in hindsight I realize God surrounded me with family and friends. But at the time I still felt alone.
Josiah was born the following year. We had to increase progesterone shots in my wife’s back to sustain the pregnancy. She is the strongest person I know.
After picking his name we learned Josiah literally translates to mean “healer”.
God sends you help not when you want but when you NEED it.
He sent my son as a healing force for me and my family. 2020 caused me to be frustrated at the hypocrisy in the Catholic Church— especially when some Catholics told others not to fear the novel virus but fearing political uncertainty or vice versa.
In the Old Testament, God provided for the famine with seven years of plenty along with the leadership of Joseph. In the New Testament, we see similar events of God providing, the feeding of the 5000 or something as small as Jesus healing Peter’s mother-in-law.
If God did that in the past (and for me in my past) why won’t God continue to provide and care for those who trust in His Providence today and tomorrow?
The secret to joy & the closest thing to finding peace daily is something people talk about but aren’t consistently doing…
Gratitude is our oxygen
Be grateful. In all things. Literally everything.
Common objection to this claim:
“But you don’t know what I’ve been through. The horrors I faced & currently face.”
Your 100% right. I may not know your situation. Nor even be capable of fathoming it.
However, I have faced hell. 2014 was that year for me.
We wife and I lost our unborn baby Jeremiah due to miscarriage—four hours before his death I heard his heartbeat 💓 . Saw it on an ultrasound.
The horror is loss took my wife by storm immediately.
Me? It poisoned me and slowly I lost my hope. I was on the brink of giving up—at everything.
My faith helped me through it, but I am not completely healed—nor ever will be healed fully.
Be thankful in everything. Matt, are you thankful for losing your son?
It took me several years to get to this point and I would have to say—yes I am grateful.
Loss transforms you
Without that loss I would never be the man I am today. We would never have our son Josiah—whose name actually translates as healer (I didn’t intend for that connection).
I want to let you know that you will survive your firestorm. Ask the Holy Spirit for deliverance daily. It won’t be easy, but God will sustain you.
