This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Characters:
Detective Daddy: Me
Muffin Miscreant [mentioned]: Avila
Setting:
Three years after the events of Detective Daddy Episode 3: Shenanigans Infect Us All.
“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”
—Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight (2008)
Time is a crazy thing. You can’t wait to grow up and a day feels like a year. But when you get older time seems to speed up. Years turn into weeks. Weeks into days. Hours fly by in a minute. Yet memories don’t always fade. In some “cases” thoughts blaze in the mind while darkening the heart.
Three Long Years
“It’s been a long three years,” he thought. So much potential and promise existed in the Time Before the Events. New work. A training partner. Finally, a decrease in shenanigans. Things were at an all-time high for the former sleuth. After years of study and case-work, Detective Daddy solved the greatest case of his career: MuffinGate.
It pushed him to the limit, or what he thought was his limit, and nearly crumbled his confidence in his caper-skills. Persistence and hyper-focus were his superpowers. Following the muffin-crumbs led the detective to make an amazing discovery. The Muffin Miscreant and the Coffee Culprit were the same individual. Turns out the Detective was too focused on solving cases for the public he couldn’t keep his own home in order as the Muffin Miscreant was his own offspring!
This revelation pushed Detective Daddy to a crossroads in his career. He decided to hang-up his gumshoes and deerstalker in place of library trips and piggyback rides. Fatherhood allowed the detective to enjoy family life while also keeping his creativity and problem solving skills sharp. He gained a promotion at a local grocery center and worked the night shift. This allowed his wife and him the ability to have a parent present at all times in the house.
Then the Events began to happen. These began with a global pandemic that upset much existing systems. Panic set in. Hope seemed to dissolve faster than baking soda in vinegar.
Detective Daddy fell back on his old mindset as a way to approach this “After the Events” worldview: logic, deduction, and investigation. “There must be a reasonable way to solve these problems (ours and the world’s)”, the former sleuth told his wife. This sentence came up time and time again. It turned from a single thought into a mantra. And from a mantra into a madness…
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Characters:
Detective Daddy: Me
Apple Aficionado: Josiah
Sir Isaac Newton: Ancestor of the former sippy cup snatcher
Prologue [summer afternoon, England, 1667]: Sir Isaac Newton rested under the foliage of a large apple tree. The past few weeks have been exhausting—teaching at the science academy, daily research on the peculiar fall of apple from the branches, and on top of it all he came home to tend to his ill mother. Life was busy and constantly in motion. Isaac seemed close to an explanation for a working theory on the subject of gravity—an invisible force in the world. Relying on his previous successes and family name has allowed Isaac to stave off criticism from his scientific peers. “I need some real evidence soon,” though Isaac. “Otherwise, my tenure at the local university will be over! How else will I be able to support my mother?”
Pensively gazing at the ripe red apples from the tree, Isaac remembered how his interest in science began. His father owned an apple orchard and enjoyed telling little Isaac about the various breeds and farming methods to produce the best apple crop. Isaac had a tenuous relationship with his dad, but the topic of apples always provided an easy way to connect. “What if I had more time with him?” thought Isaac. Perhaps if he had a better relationship he would be ready to form a family of his own. “I am thirty-nine with no marital prospects in sight,” Isaac reflected. He needed this scientific breakthrough to come and to come soon. Staring up at the
clouds he started to nod off. His mind kept repeating the some words to himself: “Hopefully the apple does not fall far from the tree; hopefully the apple does not fall far from the tree.”
Summer 2017: Opening his mini-refrigerator in his office, Detective Daddy surveyed his selection of fresh fruit for a small afternoon snack. Grapes, oranges, plums, and strawberries lined the inside rack- the colors providing a kaleidoscopic effect. The private investigator’s eyes did not rest until they landed on a brilliant red, crisp Braeburn. “I need to go to the store,” Detective Daddy said to himself as this was the final apple.
Along with being his favorite fruit, apples held a special place in his heart. Detective Daddy remembered fond memories of yearly trips to the apple orchard with his family. An apple a day kept his deductive skills from decaying. Recently pulled out of retirement due to the emergence of the Sippy Cup Snatcher, the veteran gumshoe quickly got back into his routine. Within the last month, he solved 15 cases! “Headquarters better promote me to super-sleuth,” thought Detective Daddy.
Later that day: Within the heart of the town, the Sippy Cup Snatcher forlornly meandered up and down the streets. Fresh on parole from his recent stint in timeout from stealing sippy cups and causing shenanigans, the former criminal enjoyed the first moments of freedom. Pilfering water holders did not interest him anymore—no, the Sippy Cup Snatcher set his sights on a far sweeter reward—arboreal antics.
Annie’s Apple Orchard [city limits]: Detective Daddy received a call from an anxious owner of the town’s favorite orchard Annie Applesmith. People also wondered if her surname motivated Annie to continue the family business. Unfortunately, that tale will take too long to tell as Detective Daddy discovered key clues to crack this case. Scattered across the grassy rows of the orchard were a plethora of bruised apples. “Muscles, bruises, strong, disregard for apples feelings,” the sleuth uttered to himself. “Annie, I think I have a lead,” declared Detective Daddy. “But I need more evidence. Call me if you see any other suspicious activity” he said.
Municipal Library [downtown]: Stephen Savant, the town’s head librarian called Detective Daddy exactly 9.80 days from the incident at Annie’s Apple Orchard. “Detective, I found strange shenanigans that occurred in our non-fiction section”.
After arriving at the library and questioning Mr. Savant, Detective Daddy scoured the crime scene [The non-fiction science section]. Both rows of bookshelves consisted of books stacked in orderly manner. A lone book laid half-open on the floor– Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica. “Eureka!” exclaimed Detective Daddy. A couple of elderly library regulars put their fingers to their lips to hush him. The private eye was interrupting a compelling discussion of Willa Cather’s My Antonia. “Sorry,” apologized Detective Daddy. “Wrong mathematician! I know where our Apple Aficionado will strike next,” he stated.
Pink Lady Park [9.80 days later]: With the help of Annie Applesmith and Stephen Savant, Detective Daddy waited in his granny smith apple colored car. They waited and waited what seemed like 9.80 hours. “According to my watch, we waited exactly 9.80 hours,” stated Stephen.
As Detective Daddy deduced the Apple Aficionado made his move. Circular objects started falling out of the sky and landing on the sleuth’s car. “THUD, THUD, THUD!” It sounds like a hail storm outside. Exiting the car, Detective Daddy yelled, “Stop! I know what you are doing. You almost had us fooled.” Annie and Stephen prepared themselves for an intense chase scene which would ultimately lead to Detective Daddy’s record 16th solved case for the month.
Nothing of that transpired. Instead, Detective Daddy praised the Apple Aficionado. “I would like to offer you a job on my team—as lead scientific inquirer. You almost had me fooled and thinking you reverted back to your cute capered ways.” Detective Daddy went on to fill Annie and Stephen in on the motivation of the Apple Aficionado. He was the long lost descendent of the great scientist Isaac Newton. The penchant for apples and idiosyncratic interest in integers pointed toward the English scientist’s study and discovery of the law of gravity. “Let me guess, the Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica in the library sealed the case?!” exclaimed Stephen. “Yes, all I needed was one last observance to test my hypothesis…the apple does not fall far from the tree,” stated Detective Daddy.
Detective Daddy arrived back in his office later that week. “Great, it has arrived,” He told the figure sitting in the chair before his desk. The private investigator replaced his old door sign with a plaque that read:
Here is a continuation of a funny short story— based on characters I created from the antics of my oldest son in 2013.
Characters:
Detective Daddy: Me
Concerned citizens: Jenny (my wife) and Amelia
Reformed Puzzler Pilfer [now a concerned citizen]: Noah
Sippy Cup Snatcher: Josiah
Prologue [set in spring 2013]:Detective Daddy was notified at 10am about a strange series of nocturnal occurrences at the Chicoine household. Several puzzle pieces have gone missing in the past week or two. A local citizen and concerned mother heard loud noises emitting from our son’s room. Upon entering she caught the Puzzle Pilferer red-handed!! He was dropping them down the heat vent. When Jenny questioned him about his dastardly deeds, this notorious fellow simply said “Uh-oh” and “Uh-hah”. Last afternoon when Detective Daddy returned home, he enlisted Jenny in sweeping the crime scene (Air Ventilation System) nothing was to be found. Looks like the Puzzler Pilferer will have to undergo a rigorous and unconventional interrogation method (Stay in timeout corner and rescinding him privilege of having a basketball and toy cars). Meanwhile the citizens of the Chicoine household will diligently search for those missing cognitive development toys. Time will tell whether things will settle down and the Puzzler Pilfer truly has been rehabilitated.
Present day: Returning from his Saturday afternoon run, the retired Detective Daddy rested in his front yard. Running always provided opportunity for him reflect on his life. Things have greatly changed in the past four years Daddy thought—but his family is in a better place!
Completing his most famous case and nabbing the Puzzle Pilferer that cool April night a few years ago was exhilarating. It also was taxing. The rehabilitation process, to reform the Puzzler Pilferer, took a lot out of the former private investigator. Moving to a new city, retiring from detective work, and taking up a low-key desk job as a mortgage modification specialist took away the stress of his previous career. However, there was always a certain restlessness Daddy had. A certain anxiety about whether he truly overcame the mischievous of the Puzzle Pilferer. Do shenanigans go ever forever or do they simply arise up again under a different guise and persona?
Citizens of the Chicoine household lamented over a precipitous precipitation related predicament—they were missing water from their sippy cups! Now as you may know, water is the most important natural resource known to man. The human body is composed of nearly 75% of H20. Initially, Daddy did not take these concerns too seriously. Perhaps the citizens simply drank the water and forgot they did so because of their engrossment within the ninja movies played at the local park theater [i.e. Living Room T.V.]. Instead of waning, the cries and citizenly concerns only increased as the week progressed.
Reluctantly, Daddy realized he had to don the deerstalker once again and become Detective Daddy! This mystery certainly eclipsed his case of the Puzzle Pilferer. An aquatic attack is an attack on the Chicoine water way of life. Pretending to do dishes, Detective Daddy waited until this mysterious Sippy Cup Snatcher revealed himself or herself. After what felt like hours [really only 5 minutes!] a two-foot tall toddler, with cuteness to kill, ambled across the local park [Living Room] and quickly snatched a green sippy cup. Leaning his head back, he chugged a few sips and proceeded to chuck the cup against the wall. Next he pirated water from his sister’s blue sippy cup!
Detective Daddy solved the mysterious identity of the Sippy Cup Snatcher, but the real challenge begins—building a case and a rehabilitation program to reform the Chicoine household’s most recent miscreant. Will our favorite private eye prevail or will this new friendly faced-foe best Detective Daddy? Will these shenanigans continue for good? Why does the Sippy Cup Snatcher only like green and blue cups? Will we discover the favorite shape of the reformed Puzzle Pilfer?
