Editor’s Note: Matthew Chicoine interviewed Matthew Estrade via phone call on September 20th, 2024. Some of the questions have been rearranged and edited to provide the best reader experience without losing any integrity of the answers given.
What inspired you to start Catholic Aging, and how does your faith inform your approach to dementia care?
Before I started Catholic Aging, it was really my family that got me into gerontology. My grandfather on my mom’s side had dementia and that started my journey on the dementia side. Since 2015, seeds were planted on what the Catholic Church says about dementia. I came across Saint Dympha and I found a couple books on Dementia and Catholicism. But they didn’t contain practical advice and tips from a Catholic lens on how to deal with Dementia. While I am a cradle Catholic and attended Catholic school through college, I didn’t really understand redemptive suffering.
Since I wasn’t finding what I was looking for on the subject of dementia and Catholicism. In early 2018, I started a draft which eventually became my book Peace with Dementia Rosary. It was published in 2019.
How does “The Peace with Dementia Rosary” book uniquely address the spiritual needs of caregivers?
The first thing I think of is that it points someone to the Holy Rosary. It’s a way to point people towards the Blessed Virgin Mary and not to focus on the crisis they are going through. I tried to blend what was going on with the Mysteries of the Rosary and the dementia journey. For example, the First Joyful Mystery (The Annunciation) I connected with the initial diagnosis of your loved one having dementia. Just like a diagnosis is a revealing of a medical condition, the Annunciation is a revelation and this news/diagnosis could be fraught with fear and uncertainty.
How can young Catholics better support older members of their parish who might be living with dementia or caring for someone with dementia?
One of the biggest things is treating them like anybody else. It’s similar to how we would treat anyone else with a disability by including them in activities and evening being proactive in reaching out to them. These individuals are still a treasure to your parish and we want to keep them involved. Dementia is really a family disease. You see the caregiver being impacted by not wanting to socialize or going to Mass due to the stress of care-giving.
What are some practical ways that young adults can prepare now for potential care-giving responsibilities in the future?
I’d say to be open to conversations with our parents and grandparents about how they see themselves aging. It’s key to have a plan in place for when your loved ones age and how to adapt. For example, all of us will have to cease driving due to various reasons at some point. And that could be one of the toughest conversations to have, as driving represents independence. In a similar way, you will have to have a conversation with your parents and grandparents before that day arrives. Make sure you have a plan of how to get to Mass and go on errands.
What are the three common myths about aging or dementia that you frequently encounter in your work?
One of the biggest myths is that dementia is a normal part of aging. That it’s going to happen to everybody. A lot of people think that cognitive decline is immediately a sign of dementia. If the memory or thinking challenges are disrupting life, that’s when it’s not normal aging and it would be time to consult a medical professional.
A second major myth is that dementia only impacts the memory. Dementia is really a cognitive or thinking impairment. Symptoms could involve a decline in sound judgment or having trouble following a sequence (ex: brushing your teeth or using the washing machine.) Frontal temporal dementia impacts language more so than memory.
The third myth is to say that palliative care is the same as hospice care. Palliative medicine is symptom management and is broad. It aims to alleviate pain and seek a cure. It is really about an extra layer of support besides your primary care physician. On the other hand, hospice care is only at the end of life. Hospice is comfort care, but it’s not curative. Hospice is typically provided in the last six months of life and is prescribed by a doctor.
How can parishes better integrate and support individuals with dementia and their caregivers in church life?
I think something that is impactful is the outreach that a parish provides to its aging population and dementia by having a caregiver support group. It’s rare to have a specific group for caregivers of those loved ones with dementia. It would be great to have it once a month or a quarter.
Another thing would be to have a parish bring in a speaker to educate on dementia. Awareness. Education. Support. That’s what parishes can do.
What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a young adult who has just learned that a loved one has been diagnosed with dementia?
To know that whatever symptoms they are experiencing that your loved one is still the same person (ex: they are still your grandfather or parent). It’s important to stay involved and visit. It is a challenge and something you have to learn to adapt. Care-giving is a different type of cross but you will receive the grace from Jesus to carry it.
How can young Catholics use social media to raise awareness about dementia and support caregivers in their community?
I think it’s powerful to share experiences. If someone is open to sharing what they are learning it is helpful. Share their personal journey and the resources they found helpful (articles and/or support groups in their local communities).
Could you share a brief success story of how your ministry has positively impacted a family dealing with dementia?
This is an ongoing situation. I continued to talk with a care-giver whose parent has dementia. This care-giver doesn’t have any family help as her siblings don’t want to help and are out of town. The care-giver has chronic conditions herself and is trying to take care of her mom by herself. She is having trouble navigating the medical system (ex: getting the right medication). What I’m able to do in my ministry is keep in communication, to pray, and bounce ideas off each other. We look for blessings and lessons in this situation. We use both coaching and have an opportunity to see these blessings/challenges interpreted in light of our Catholic faith.
Where can my audience learn more about your ministry?
By visiting CatholicAging.com.
Any last words of advice or encouragement to my readers who might be going through the trials of aging or being caregiver?
It can’t be overstated the power of redemptive suffering. Doing what we can (medically and adaptation) and conforming our will to God especially as it pertains to aging and seeing this cross from a Catholic lens.
Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.
—Saint Augustine
About Matthew:
Matthew Estrade is the founder of Catholic Aging and author of “The Peace with Dementia Rosary: Education, Intentions, Community” in both English and Spanish. He helps Parish and Diocesan ministries include and serve aging Parishioners and their caregivers more effectively. Matthew does this through improving awareness and education through speaking, training, and consulting. As a gerontologist with MyCatholicDoctor.com, Matthew conducts family and caregiver meetings to help make sense of the challenging journey.
