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When Everything Changed
7 years ago my life forever changed and the Sacred Heart of Jesus played a huge role in this change. Today, I’m writing this article on what would have been the 18th birthday of my little girl. Instead, she never made it past 10 years old.
One moment I was online sharing about a new sunscreen I found and the next day I was posting to tell the world that my little girl had died in my arms. You see, just 13 days before her 11th birthday I had to rush my daughter to the ER with a severe headache. Within a few hours she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was too late to save her and that day I held my little girl in my arms and birthed her into the arms of Jesus. As she died I remember weeping and saying, “He makes all things new. He makes all things new.” I told her, “It’s ok to go baby. You don’t have to stay. Mommy’s here. Mommy loves you.”
A Mission Passed On
In the moment of her death I had an overwhelming sense of what God was calling me to do. You see, for various reasons Maggie had not yet completed her RE classes and was scheduled to receive her first Holy Communion the day I rushed her to the ER.
And all that year her RE teacher talked about what it meant to be a missionary, and she had decided that she was not going to be a hair stylist or a nun but instead she was going to go wherever God called her and she was going to be a missionary. I realized in the moment she died that she was now the greatest missionary she could ever be. That the miracles she could work from Heaven would be unlike anything she could have done while alive here on earth. And I KNEW that as her mom it was my job to help her in her missionary work.
Heaven Touches Earth
6 weeks after Maggie died I found myself at a women’s retreat at my parish that lasted all weekend. No phones. No clocks. Just us and Jesus. We had 24 hour adoration and I found myself sitting before the Eucharist for hours at a time. You see, the room we used for adoration was small and the table was short so I could literally sit at His feet and talk with Him the way a friend would. As I looked at Jesus and spoke with Him, I felt a profound sense that Heaven opened to us in that moment. I realized I wasn’t just spending time with Jesus—I was also on a mommy-daughter date, because Maggie was there with Him, surrounded by all the saints and angels in Heaven.
Held by the Heart
I sobbed as I stared at Him and I was overwhelmed by His Most Sacred Heart. I begged Him to place me within His heart because it was there that I would find solace. It was there I would find love. It was there I would find protection from the flames that threatened to consume me in my agony.
And so I found myself there. Surrounded by burning flames and embers and I felt at peace. I was curled up in His embrace and I never wanted to leave. I didn’t realize how long I had been kneeling there when my knees collapsed. I never hit the ground because 3 or 4 women had been watching me and immediately rushed to my side.
They lifted me up and put all of their weight under my arms. I was on my knees again adoring the One I love only this time with the support of my sisters around me. I stayed there on my knees with their help and that weekend I left with an understanding between me and Jesus. God called me to be a missionary because He had called my daughter to the same mission, and as her mom, I knew it was my role to help her carry it out.
Into the Sacred Heart
And what is the mission? Christ and Him crucified! Christ and His Most Sacred Heart.
What storms have you endured? Is it hard to find peace? Does it feel impossible to remain standing? Ask Jesus to hide you in His Sacred Heart and it is there you will find protection from the storms that rage around you. Your pain won’t be taken away and your suffering won’t be non-existent. But you will find the peace and love you need to live life to the fullest.
Maggie, I’ll see you in the Eucharist baby girl. Mama loves you now and forever.
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