Both my parents are too tired to chip in with input on the letter. And my three siblings are too busy acting like lemurs or black & white pandas to care about starting a new tradition.
Anyways, it’s up to me to present our family’s successes and 2020 highlights. Free of shenanigans.
Yeah right! Shenanigans are part of my middle names (unofficially).
Hope you enjoy the seasonal shenanigans!
January— New Year Same Routine
I started the new year as a fresh one year old. Noah, Amelia, and Josiah enjoyed going to school and playing in the snow. Mommy continued teaching special education at Valley Springs Elementary. Daddy worked overnights at a local grocery store.
My new year’s resolution was simple— add new shenanigans each month. Last year, I got caught stealing too many blueberry muffins (Pro-tip: Make sure to clean up the evidence before leaving the crime scene).
Daddy wrote about this incident and dubbed it Muffingate. Since then, I’ve acquired the nickname “Muffin Miscreant”.
February— Ground’s Day Month
Noah, Amelia, and Josiah enjoyed going to school and playing in the snow. Mommy continued teaching special education at Valley Springs Elementary. Daddy worked overnights at a local grocery store.
Yes, I know my family’s boring.
I think Noah was still in his Pokémon obsession and my parents were still watching Superhero shows on The CW.
I continued to watch how my siblings got in or avoided trouble and took notes.
March— The Ides are Turning
This seemed to be a turning point. Suddenly, Mommy, Noah, and Amelia stayed home more often. I heard mommy talking to weird kids on the computer. Daddy kept referring to himself as a “Zoom call goaltender”.
Josiah had school therapy at home and this involved him being a black & white panda all the time! Pandas? Seriously, that’s such a predictable move. Couldn’t he pretend to be a platypus or something cooler than a bamboo eater?
While my dreams of traversing the Australian outback didn’t happen, I did experience a “ground under” moment.
Mommy was on her 97th Zoom call and this gave me the perfect chance to try the legendary liquid—coffee. I found a K-cup in the pantry and gained a new moniker— The Coffee Culprit.
April— Sickness and Added Shenanigans
Daddy received a promotion at his local grocery store to Assistant Manager. He was even more excited when Mommy gave him an “Assistant to the Regional Manager” hoodie to celebrate the new job.
April felt like an entire lifetime (1.5 years).
Home school made Mommy and my siblings very tired and cranky. Even worse, Daddy got super sick with a virus-thingy. I couldn’t even see him for two weeks except on the computer. Josiah was really sad and kept saying “Daddy
in downstairs emergency room”. Mommy was stressed with teaching from home, taking care of us, and being Daddy’s doctor.
But this month did have good things: the Easter bunny visited us and Josiah learned to ride a bike.
I maintained my moniker as the Coffee Culprit by eating another K-cup.
May— More Zoom
The Zoom calls continued, and Daddy resumed his role as goaltender against my shenanigans. I miss the good old days when I could bust open bedroom doors without repercussions or being shushed. The strange kids didn’t seem so strange anymore. Mommy even gave up and let me say “hi” to my new friends.
Pro-tip: Persistence pays off.
Noah was obsessed with Star Wars and cars. Amelia (and Daddy) enjoyed pushing me in my throne on wheels. Mommy and Daddy got a new swing set for us to play in. I loved sliding and swinging!
June— Celebrating Sacraments and Sprinklers
Noah received his First Holy Communion on June 14th. It was supposed to be in April but it was delayed because of the virus-thingy or the panda-emic (not sure what to call it officially). “But God’s plan is more perfect than anything we can possibly imagine.” That was something Daddy kept saying. He seemed super-smiley and happy about Noah’s First Eucharist happening on The Feast of Corpus Christi.
Along with celebrating the sacrament my siblings and I played lots of times in the sprinkler. What wonderful waterworks! Josiah showed me how to play carwash in our water table. We play carwash often.
Mommy and Daddy celebrated their 10-year wedding anniversary! This was neat for me because grandma and grandpa got to watch me and the other kids overnight! We had so much fun.
July— Zoo Fun
The local zoo reopened with panda-emic precautions. Josiah called the gibbons “black and white pandas” and we all enjoyed watching the snow monkeys and ducks.
I set a family record by becoming the earliest to ride a strider bike. Strider bike didn’t seem right, so I called it “a butt”. Mommy and Daddy laughed. I think they’re proud of me. I say “a butt” so much.
August— Back to School
Noah started third grade and Amelia began first grade at Valley Springs. Josiah went to early childhood for the second year. I enjoyed more time to plan hijinks as daddy and mommy got more tired from getting house projects done. I continued to get my hands-on Mommy and Daddy’s coffee (I love coffee!).
Amelia learned how to read and created artwork daily. Josiah continued to play carwash in new and creative ways.
September— The Mystery of the Missing Toys
This month began normally with me playing with my dolls, cars, and other gadgets. But soon I noticed things disappearing. First, books I enjoyed were gone. Slowly my stuffed animal supply shrunk, and baby toys taken. I did notice more and more cardboard boxes.
Thankfully, I had Aunt Mary’s wedding to take my mind off the missing toy misery. I had fun playing with grandma, grandpa, and Uncle Steven.
Pro-Tip: Pushing doors open to go outside the reception is fun and an effective way to get my parents to chase me.
October— Mystery Solved
More and more boxes piled up in our living room, garage, basement, and kitchen. My siblings enjoyed many afternoons riding their bikes (and I riding my “a butt”).
I had a busy month with speech therapy starting and I broke my arm. Amelia was dancing with me and I thought a flying leap was a great idea. But the good thing is I got a cool pink cast.
I got used to life with limited toys. But then something changed! All the boxes moved. We played in a different room and slept in a different area. Mommy and Daddy called this our new house. We all thought it was pretty cool!
November— Shenanigans Supreme
My siblings and I love our new house. More room to run and climb. Noah had fun throwing the football in the garage with Daddy. Amelia found new places for art.
Josiah and I found a new way to play carwash. When Daddy was sleeping on the couch (from working a late night) my brother and I overflowed the kitchen sink. Water poured on the entire floor. We had TONS of cars to wash that morning! Daddy seemed surprised about all the water. After this incident we couldn’t sneak and do carwash anymore. Still not sure why?
Mommy continued to balance her teaching job with her additional virus-things protocols. She seemed tired most days, so I try to cheer her up with hugs!
December— Enter the Boss Level
Daddy kept making Jumanji references throughout the year. Everyone was talking about an election thingy. What more did 2020 have in store?
This year they say was tough, but in my experience all life can be challenging but fun too. I’m going to turn two on December 29th. I felt I gained a lot of wisdom this year.
Noah taught me countless facts about Harry Potter and read books to me. Amelia taught me how to draw and be creative. Josiah taught me how to laugh and play with cars. Mommy taught me how to love and hug. Daddy taught me the importance of a balance between seriousness and shenanigans.
Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a blessed 2021!
P.S. Daddy thinks he’s a creative writer, but he gets all his best ideas from my shenanigans. Follow #Muffingate for more funny stories
P.P.S. Special thanks to Daddy for being my secretary for this Christmas Letter. Extra special thanks to my brothers and sister for all this great content
Avila: The Muffin Miscreant, Coffee Culprit, and who knows what else.
🌐 Civil unrest has shook the quaint town of Chicoineville recently. Weeks and weeks of quarantine (due to a mysterious virus) left the citizens in a tizzy.
🌐 Local parks and libraries shut their doors to prevent further spread of the disease. While this stopped more outbreaks the lockdowns inadvertently resulted in an exponential increase in shenanigans.
🌐 Food shortages occurred too. Yeast, flour, fruit, and eggs sold out like crazy. This meant no muffins.
Speaking of muffins, this is a continuation of the story dubbed “Muffingate”—a level 7 shenanigan event!
🚨 🚨 🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨🚨🚨
📍 Video footage was discovered to be manipulated. Police learned that the prime suspect in Muffingate, Avila Catherine Geraldine, doctored the surveillance (further analysis determined a few stuffed animals and a baby doll were strategically placed under a blanket to make it look like she never left her crib).
📍The prosecution wanted to move quickly to bring the case to court. However, the pandemic forced the mayor to suspend all government activities (this halted all court cases).
📍 While the virus has subsided and food supplies are returning back to normal, controversary stuck the nation’s police force. This caused a ripple effect all the way down to Chicoineville.
📍 The police department’s tactics for nabbing criminals and bail procedures came under fire. Pressure from the media forced Chicoine’s sheriff to lift restrictions on several ‘suspects’.
📍 ACGC was one of those impacted. She is no longer under house arrest. PRNT TV’s award-winning photographer Jenny Lynn captured this photo of the ‘muffin miscreant’ celebrating.
Notice her blue eyes. The same shade as blueberries (perhaps from eating too many blueberry muffins). Coincindence?! You be the judge. Text out “blueberry buffoonery” to 55555 to vote “Guilty” or “Not Guilty”.
📍 Alas, there is no vaccine to stop shenanigans.
📍 Stay with PRNT TV 📺 to receive full coverage on this new scandal “sweeping” across this small town.
📍Text “antics” to 55555 to get text updates and exclusive interviews with the sheriff, eyewitnesses, and first-responders.
📍This has been I.M. Shocked with PRNT News reporting. Thank you for watching (reading)!
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Detective Daddy: Me
Muffin Miscreant [mentioned]: Avila
Apple Aficionado: Josiah
Three years after the events of Detective Daddy Episode 2: Does the Apple Fall Far from the Tree?
It was a crisp Friday morning. The sun barely peaked through the cloudy sky. Combined with the moisture from a recent rainfall this created a lingering fog. Detective Daddy yawned. His 15th yawn this hour. Despite having a partner, his casework kept piling up. An erratic work schedule didn’t help.
The private eye had to pick up a second job working at a local grocery store. Detective work wasn’t in demand this year. He enjoyed shopping orders for customers for pick up or delivery. The hours are what killed him. Overnight shifts exhaust a person quickly. “How does Batman do it?” the gumshoe thought to himself. “I know he has the Joker and Arkham Ayslum to manage, but I bet even Muffingate would stump him!”
Now that was a case which pushed Detective Daddy to the brink. A high level shenanigan event. Plenty of crumbs. Evidence. But the suspect was elusive. Or still is elusive. The prosecution team thought enough evidence existed to put her away for a while.
Simple cases don’t exist. A twist was thrown into the plot. Muffin Mayhem still happened as the original Muffin Miscreant was in custody. Is it a copycat? Master and apprentice dynamic? Mere coincidence? Or some other explanation?
Yawning again, Detective Daddy told his partner, “I need coffee. Let’s get some after your appointment.” The former Apple Aficionado, now known as Josiah, replied, “And go to car wash too? It will help us wake up!”
Smiling to himself, the detective laughed, “Sure! But first coffee, then car wash.” Josiah provided a great help in recent years. A reformed caper working side by side with a detective. Thinking about it still amazed Daddy.
Everyone Commits Shenanigans
The appointment for Josiah’s training lasted an hour. His junior partner was developing communication skills to help in life and investigating. On the drive back to headquarters, Detective Daddy turned on the radio. After a few minutes he started shaking his head, “Josiah, shenanigans now are infecting adults.” His partner replied, “What is it?” Daddy said, “Panic shopping. It’s the politically correct term for adult shenanigans. People are buying up loads of toilet paper. Now shelves are empty.”
“People can’t wipe their butts?!” Josiah asked. “Sadly, maybe. It is the people who can’t leave their home due to health reasons that might be most affected by it,” the detective retorted.
This conversation continued until they reached headquarters. It looked like a normal house. Attached garage. Nice front yard. But private investigators need to stay amidst the shenanigan scene while keeping their cover too.
Coffee. That was the word on the private eye’s mind the entire morning. A freshly brewed cup with French vanilla cream and a bit of almond milk sounded like bliss. He needed a burst of energy. Something to jolt his investigative juices in his brain back to life.
Opening the door, Detective Daddy noticed something troublesome. Coffee grounds strewn upon the floor. Punctured Keurig cups as well. Shenanigans never take a day off, but never has coffee been involved. This is something Detective Daddy might not be able to overcome. “Caffeine is my lifeblood,” he exclaimed. Looks like we have a new case on our hands!”
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Thank you for reading and hope you have a blessed day!