By: Jocelyn Abyad

As a cradle Catholic, I developed a pro-life belief system from a very early age. As a young adult, I prayed outside abortion clinics and debated the evils of euthanasia among my college peers. I knew with conviction that life begins at conception and should be protected until its natural end. But at 40 years old, I heard the words that every pregnant woman fears most, “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat,” and my life was forever changed. Immersed in the intense grief that followed my first miscarriage, I realized that I had no idea how to care for my own 10-week-old baby who had passed away. Through marriage prep and Natural Family Planning (NFP) classes and many years as a mother, the topic had simply never been raised. Amidst all the pro-life talks and presentations, miscarriage care had never been brought up.

Staunchly pro-life, I had fought for the dignity of all those around me, but when loss struck my own home, I realized that I had faith and love but no practical information for how to parent my child who had died. After two more losses and five years of time, I am working with friends to change this lack of information and resources for miscarriage care through our nonprofit, We Carry You Still.  Through the ministry, I have spoken to many families and find my story is not unique. Nearly 50% of all women will experience a loss in their lifetime, and as the Body of Christ, we need to be at the forefront of miscarriage care. We cannot afford to continue to neglect these faithful families amongst us facing the devastating loss of their child. This will require a shift in perspective and awareness as well as necessitate action.

Reclaiming the Language of Personhood

First and foremost, let us consider our belief in the dignity of every human person, body and soul, from the moment of conception. When we experience a miscarriage, we don’t “lose a pregnancy,” we lose a person— a child. As in so many intellectual battles, word choice matters; personhood matters. And if these tiny babies are people, it is our responsibility to provide them with care at both the beginning and end of their life. When we state that a “baby has died,” we reaffirm that their brief life mattered, to their own family, to the Body of Christ, and to our Lord.

Beyond the spiritual matters, there are practical issues to be addressed. Maternity patients often find themselves with little information on what to expect with the physical process of miscarriage for themselves and their child. Better medical information and resources to care for their own bodies and the remains of their child are desperately needed. When possible, providing the child with burial is a corporal work of mercy, a comfort to the parents, and gives our preaching that all life is sacred integrity. 

Rethinking Formation and Preparation

Specifically in Catholic circles, we need to redefine how NFP is approached. Our fertility is often presented to young couples as “abstinence until marriage, and then you will easily and quickly conceive many children.” This is simply not the case for many families. While some families do experience hyperfertility, many more experience periods of infertility or miscarriage alongside the birth of their living children. Basic resources and knowledge for what to expect when building their family does not go as expected should be provided in NFP classes. Married couples need to be encouraged not only to be open to life but also to be open to God’s will. 

For many years, miscarriage has been labeled as a shameful or taboo experience and many people are compelled to hide or minimize their experience of loss. Not only does this intensify their grieving, but this silence allows the lack of miscarriage care to continue. From the community at large to medical providers and priests, we need to bring more light to this frequent experience. Medical providers as well as our pastors and church personnel need improved education around miscarriage care so that a gentle, loving and faithful response can be provided by all those on the front lines of care, both physical and spiritual. 

A Call for the Church to Do Better

When miscarriage care is given its due attention, all of our lives will be improved. Those who face a loss will be better able to navigate the experience of suffering and all those around them will be able to better support them. We have a universal calling to be committed to the respect of human life. As the Church, it is time for us to do better by supporting the faithful families who are open to life and yet, as part of that journey, experience the loss of their child.

About Our Guest Blogger

Jocelyn Abyad is the wife of Fr. Zyad Abyad and mother of 7 daughters on earth and 3 babies in Heaven. She holds a degree in psychology from Arizona State University and worked as a finance banker for over a decade before choosing to stay home to homeschool her children. Alongside her husband, she serves at St. John of the Desert Melkite Catholic Church in Phoenix, Arizona.Jocelyn shares insights on homeschooling and liturgical living across multiple platforms as Melkite Momma and is a regular contributor to Byzikids Magazine. In 2024, she co-founded We Carry You Still, a nonprofit ministry offering support and resources for women and families who have experienced miscarriage or infant loss. Throughout her work and personal experiences, Jocelyn seeks to foster faith, family, and community.