By: Madeleine Karako

For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of being a mother. When we got pregnant on the honeymoon, I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Then we lost our first child to miscarriage after being married for 2 months. My husband was in a different state for Officer Training School in the Air Force, so I didn’t see him until a month after we lost our child. I went through it without him, which made the experience all the more painful. Even in those darkest moments, God was taking care of me. I couldn’t see it then, but looking back now I see all the little miracles He gave me. 

1. My mom (who lived in a different state) showed up for a visit the day before I started miscarrying, so I had her with me through it all. 
2. My dear friend, Lizzy, showed up at the hospital when I had to have an emergency D&C because I was hemorrhaging. She held my mom’s hand and prayed a rosary with her while I was in surgery. 
3. My Dad cancelled an important business trip to come and be with my mom and I during that first week after our loss. 

Those are the big ones. There were many more little miracles, but I couldn’t see any of them at the time. I cried most days and felt like my heart was being ripped apart. The whole thing felt so backwards, so cruel. Going through labor, feeling all that pain, enduring emergency surgery; those were the “easy” parts. Going home without a baby, feeling the emptiness in my heart, doubting God’s love; those were the hard parts. 

Run to Him in Your Grief

If you’re going through a miscarriage or infant loss, here’s my advice: Run to Him. Don’t walk. Run. Collapse at His feet and empty out your grief. Let Him hold the broken pieces and slowly put them back together in His time. 

When I went through it, I made a crucial mistake. I let go of His hand. I was mad at Him. I continued to go to Mass and go through the motions of my faith, but the devil had me convinced that my pain meant God didn’t care about me. He had abandoned me. 

Nothing was further from the truth. He never abandoned me, and He never will. If you’re feeling abandoned right now, tell Him! Talk to Him. Bring everything you’re feeling to Him. He can handle it. He wants it, because He wants you. Don’t shut Him out. He is exactly what you need right now to get through this, whatever your trial might be. He loves you. He cries with you. He desires all of you, even the “ugly” parts.

We lost another child to miscarriage before we had our first child on earth, followed by two more children: two souls in heaven, three children on earth. I now devote my time and heart to helping other Catholic families navigate child loss. My most recent book, Light After Loss, helps couples gently travel through those first few weeks of loss by holding onto God’s hand. I hope it can help you avoid the mistake that I made: never let go of His hand and never believe the lie that He has forgotten about you. 

Bring Your Suffering to the Cross

Remember that Jesus himself cried out on the cross: “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” This form of prayer is called Lament. There are even the Psalms of Lament in the Bible. Taking your grief to God is a good and holy thing to do. It helps us to bond our grief to the cross; it gives our suffering greater purpose. 

Suffering is not punishment or abandonment. It’s an opportunity to grow closer to Christ than you ever imagined possible. Suffering strengthens love if we allow it. The more in love we become with Christ, the more we will be grateful for suffering that comes, knowing that He is right there beside us through it all, and that He has a plan for our good. 

I know this is easy to say and much harder to put into practice. Trust me, I’m far from perfect at it. The good news: He is not asking for our perfection. He is just asking for us to be with Him. That’s all you have to do. Go be with Him, every day and in every moment, be with Him. 

About Our Guest Blogger

Madeleine Karako is a Catholic author and illustrator who creates Catholic resources that offer comfort and spiritual encouragement. She is the founder of Zelie Crafts, a small business she established in 2021. Her shop specializes in handmade gifts, original artwork prints, and Catholic-themed products. She also home-schools her two oldest children while chasing her toddler and keeping him out of toilets.

Don’t Let Go of His Hand

By: Madeleine Karako

For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed of being a mother. When we got pregnant on the honeymoon, I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Then we lost our first child to miscarriage after being married for 2 months. My husband was in a different state for Officer Training School in the Air Force, so I didn’t see him until a month after we lost our child. I went through it without him, which made the experience all the more painful. Even in those darkest moments, God was taking care of me. I couldn’t see it then, but looking back now I see all the little miracles He gave me. 

1. My mom (who lived in a different state) showed up for a visit the day before I started miscarrying, so I had her with me through it all. 
2. My dear friend, Lizzy, showed up at the hospital when I had to have an emergency D&C because I was hemorrhaging. She held my mom’s hand and prayed a rosary with her while I was in surgery. 
3. My Dad cancelled an important business trip to come and be with my mom and I during that first week after our loss. 

Those are the big ones. There were many more little miracles, but I couldn’t see any of them at the time. I cried most days and felt like my heart was being ripped apart. The whole thing felt so backwards, so cruel. Going through labor, feeling all that pain, enduring emergency surgery; those were the “easy” parts. Going home without a baby, feeling the emptiness in my heart, doubting God’s love; those were the hard parts. 

Run to Him in Your Grief

If you’re going through a miscarriage or infant loss, here’s my advice: Run to Him. Don’t walk. Run. Collapse at His feet and empty out your grief. Let Him hold the broken pieces and slowly put them back together in His time. 

When I went through it, I made a crucial mistake. I let go of His hand. I was mad at Him. I continued to go to Mass and go through the motions of my faith, but the devil had me convinced that my pain meant God didn’t care about me. He had abandoned me. 

Nothing was further from the truth. He never abandoned me, and He never will. If you’re feeling abandoned right now, tell Him! Talk to Him. Bring everything you’re feeling to Him. He can handle it. He wants it, because He wants you. Don’t shut Him out. He is exactly what you need right now to get through this, whatever your trial might be. He loves you. He cries with you. He desires all of you, even the “ugly” parts.

We lost another child to miscarriage before we had our first child on earth, followed by two more children: two souls in heaven, three children on earth. I now devote my time and heart to helping other Catholic families navigate child loss. My most recent book, Light After Loss, helps couples gently travel through those first few weeks of loss by holding onto God’s hand. I hope it can help you avoid the mistake that I made: never let go of His hand and never believe the lie that He has forgotten about you. 

Bring Your Suffering to the Cross

Remember that Jesus himself cried out on the cross: “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” This form of prayer is called Lament. There are even the Psalms of Lament in the Bible. Taking your grief to God is a good and holy thing to do. It helps us to bond our grief to the cross; it gives our suffering greater purpose. 

Suffering is not punishment or abandonment. It’s an opportunity to grow closer to Christ than you ever imagined possible. Suffering strengthens love if we allow it. The more in love we become with Christ, the more we will be grateful for suffering that comes, knowing that He is right there beside us through it all, and that He has a plan for our good. 

I know this is easy to say and much harder to put into practice. Trust me, I’m far from perfect at it. The good news: He is not asking for our perfection. He is just asking for us to be with Him. That’s all you have to do. Go be with Him, every day and in every moment, be with Him. 

About Our Guest Blogger

Madeleine Karako is a Catholic author and illustrator who creates Catholic resources that offer comfort and spiritual encouragement. She is the founder of Zelie Crafts, a small business she established in 2021. Her shop specializes in handmade gifts, original artwork prints, and Catholic-themed products. She also home-schools her two oldest children while chasing her toddler and keeping him out of toilets.